Re: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Pre-release) (Use Spoiler Tags)
Regarding the observed issues with The Phantom Menace and proposed fixes... I don't think anything should rely on someone knowing about and reading a comic or novel to be prepared. It needs to stand on its own merits. I said earlier what my one scriptwriting professor said about "see if you can do better"? Here's a copy-paste of what I wrote in another thread about a month ago. Couple of you might have seen this there, but it'll be new to others... *clears throat and takes a deep breath*
Coming in
in media res for Star Wars was fun and a neat cinematic device, but Episode I needs to frikkin' establish the setting. I have this as the only one that doesn't start with the "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...." text -- and make up for that by naming the Episode "A LONG TIME AGO". My opening crawl is strongly influenced by Alan Dean Foster's forward and first few lines of the Star Wars novelization:
Another galaxy. Another time. The Galactic Republic is the Old Republic of legend. For most, its origins are lost in the shadows of the distant past. For them, it has always been, and that is enough.
However, any structure that endures long enough will fall victim to corruption, and ambitious individuals will pursue opportunity at the expense of those who cannot fight back.
Now, turmoil has engulfed the Republic Senate. Taxation of outlying trade routes has seen unchecked corporate interests threaten to blockade member worlds to force settlement in their favor. The Supreme Chancellor of the Senate has secretly dispatched his trusted friend, Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan, to the remote planet of Naboo to enlist the aid of famed negotiator and Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi....
I play gratuitously fast and loose with a lot of the story elements. Obi-Wan is from Naboo, as is his friend and mentor Qui-Gon Jinn. Amidala is the hereditary monarch, thank you, though it is somewhere between Queen Elizabeth I and II as far as authority/power go. The opening shot is a re-creation of the one from Star Wars, but with the
Tantive IV looking a lot newer and cleaner, and no Star Destroyer in pursuit. When Bail shows up to get Obi-Wan's help, Qui-Gon has a Feeling he is needed, too. And the Queen insists on going, as well -- in her own starship, of course. Obi-Wan goes with her, Qui-Gon goes on the Senator's ship. An unseen enemy was lurking and attacks as they leave. The Senator's ship makes the jump to lightspeed, but the Queen's ship is disabled and has to limp to Tatooine.
They set down on the outskirts of a small settlement (Anchorhead) and walk to one of the farmsteads, where they find a teenager working on the moisture vaporators. He greets them without turning around. Obi-Wan feels a stirring in the Force. This is Anakin. He was born in space. His parents were free-traders with their own tramp freighter. He was flying before he could walk and is "already an excellent pilot". Pirates attacked and boarded them. Daddy was killed. Mama and kid were sold into slavery. Cliegg Lars saw her, bought her, freed her, married her, and adopted the kid. So Owen and Anakin grow up together and are pretty close in age. Owen is a salt-of-the-earth type who plans to follow in his father's footsteps. Anakin is desperate to get off that rock, and when Obi-Wan tells him their plight, he sees his chance.
The big conflict of this film is trying to fix their ship and get to Coruscant, while their mysterious attacker keeps interfering. I readily admit I can't stand Maul. So my bad guy is Ventress -- who is Rattataki, thank you. Back when I first wrote this take on things, I had her brace of lightsabers lock together into a staff weapon. Though they get things working again, the conflict migrates to Coruscant, where Qui-Gon ultimately falls to Ventress, who escapes. No use of the word "Darth". We get to see Anakin impressing Obi-Wan with his piloting skills, and Obi-Wan convinces the Council to let him take Anakin as his Padawan.
As I also said, I draw a lot of inspiration from earlier drafts of the scripts and his notes from the '70s. I also unashamedly grabbed titles from the EU, which I feel less bad about now the EU has been boxed up and stashed in the back of the warehouse. From the content of his notes, I can see why George planned a saga of twelve films, as quoted in early-early interviews. The first six are "From the Adventures of Obi-Wan Kenobi" and the latter six were "From the Adventures of Luke Skywalker". From where the story above leaves off, the rest of the Prequel Era goes:
- Episode II -- THE APPROACHING STORM
Obi-Wan and Anakin escort Queen Amidala back home. Obvious attraction between Anakin and Padmé. Obi-Wan tells him if he wants to be a Jedi, that will have to wait until he's demonstrated he's able to handle the relationship. Padawans aren't permitted possessions or attachments. But none of that "forbidden love" malarkey. From Naboo, the Jedi go in search of leads on their mysterious assailant. Suspense/mystery thriller story leads to unsettling discovery it's not a rogue Force-user or expelled Jedi, but the Sith have returned.
- Episode III -- AGENTS OF CHAOS
Anakin is almost ready for the trials and everyone is impressed with him, despite early misgivings over his age. Padmé is visiting Coruscant for political reasons, lending support to the increasingly beleaguered Chancellor Vallorum. Assassination attempt on Padmé. Obi-Wan and Anakin send word to Naboo to set up a regent, then move her into hiding. Anakin suggests his old home on Tatooine. He declares his intentions to Padmé. She meets his parents and everything's cool. Anakin's mom recognizes the saber-dart he keeps fiddling with. She's the one who points the trail out past the Rishi Maze. Obi-Wan goes and charges Anakin to keep Padmé safe. They angst a bit, but accept that they only have to wait a little longer. [This is where the conversation they have in the meadow on Naboo in AOTC goes -- Anakin's frustrated at nothign ever actually getting done.]
Obi-Wan finds Kamino, and a mostly mustered clone army almost a million strong, ordered by the Mandalorian Death Watch, using themselves as DNA donors. Initial misunderstanding when Obi-Wan runs into Jango Fett, who's there looking for his younger brother Boba, who joined the Death Watch despite (or because of) his brother's urgings not to. The Death Watch killed their parents, but Boba was too young to remember that. He's rebellious and undisciplined and wants war and glory and conquest. Obi-Wan and Jango team up to thwart them. It goes badly. Padmé goes charging off to help Obi-Wan, leaving Anakin no choice but to go, too, if he's going to protect her. Big fight.
Death Watch defeated. Jango is killed and when Boba realizes what he's been responsible for, leaves the Death Watch and flees. The army of clones is in the hands of the Republic, but that turns out to be just the tip of the iceberg, as the funding came from elsewhere, and Separatist ships are already on the way to assist/retrieve the army. The Republic orders more troops -- a lot more.
- Episode IV -- THE CLONE WAR (note the singular)
Some months later. The Separatist fleet was repelled. Anakin has passed his trials. Obi-Wan is standing with him as he and Padmé get married. Anakin gives Obi-Wan the lightsaber he used during his apprenticeship and asks his friend to keep it someplace safe. In case anything happens to him, he wants any children he and Padmé have to have it -- when they're old enough. Sharp-eyed viewers will recognize the new lightsaber on his belt as Vader's, but he doesn't ignite it during this episode when we see him as Anakin. [A lot less lightsaber use than the extant Prequels. I don't like how quickly they come out in those movies. What happened to "a Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense -- never for attack"?]
There have been a couple brushfire conflicts out in the galaxy. Vallorum steps down and Palpatine is elected Chancellor. With new emergency powers, the Grand Army of the Republic does a good job of interfering with the advances of the Separatists. Some Jedi pacifistically refuse to fight. Others, like Obi-Wan and Anakin, step up to serve. Even some senators take to the fields of conflict as quasi-military Field Marshalls.
This is the lead up to and resolution of the first big invasion. Separatist droid armies on the Gungan homeworld (which is NOT Naboo -- and there's no Jar-Jar or Boss Nass). Obi-Wan goes to help, with the 212th Siege Battalion under his command. The clone army acquits itself admirably.
- Episode V -- REVENGE OF THE SITH
The series of linked conflicts now coming to be known as the Clone Wars have been going for most of a decade. When we meet up with Obi-Wan again he is aged by the experience, and now goes by "Ben" for simplicity. He has been gaining a reputation as a shrewd strategist and skilled negotiator. There are also references to him having had a hand in training other young potential Jedi. Over him, in overall command of the 2nd Sector Army (the "Broken Circle" fleet) is Senator Bail Organa. As this episode starts, Obi-Wan is tracking another enemy agent (Maul). Ben pins him down and fights him. Right before he dies, he gloats that the Jedi are blind -- that the Sith Lord controlling all this is in the heart of the Republic's government, under the noses of the Jedi Council.
Obi-Wan is headed back to Coruscant, at speed, to look into this. Comm breaks in from joint Senate/Jedi command that intercepted a partial message packet from somewhere in the capitol to an unknown enemy agent in the Mustafar system. That was near where Anakin was with his 501st Legion, so they sent him word to investigate and never heard back. Obi-Wan sends the 212th to rendezvous with the 501st and takes a fighter to Mustafar. He finds a black-robed figure who he recognizes, but we don't see clearly. A glimps of the Eyes of the Sith reflecting out from under the hood, red lightsaber. They fight. Ben ends up booting his assailant into the lava. Reports that Anakin is no more, but he's killed the Sith that destroyed him.
- Episode VI -- THE FALL OF THE REPUBLIC
Six months or so later. Ben has kept the identity of the Sith Lord he fought secret (from the Jedi Council and from us). Palpatine takes the last step of declaring himself Emperor. The Jedi object and he brands them traitors to the Empire. The Order is disbanded publicly and "exiled back to the world the Order originated on". In secret, Jedi start dying. Obi-Wan investigates, discovers the assassin is Vader, not dead after all, but horribly burned and wearing a breath mask (not the full helmet yet) -- something a bit like a more mangled version of Malgus from TOR). After evading him, Obi-Wan goes to confide the truth about Anakin to Padmé, but her labor kicks in before he can do so. As the galaxy descends into Martial Law, Obi-Wan takes the baby (Leia is still a secret to the audience) while Padmé takes refuge with Bail Organa and his wife on Alderaan. Last scene is as in existing Episode III -- Luke handed off to Owen and Beru and Ben riding off into the desert of Tatooine.
*catches breath* There's a lot more, obviously. Point is to have the audience leave this arc having Yoda talked up but never seen, Leia's true parentage a secret, Anakin dead at the hands of one of Obi-Wan's failed students... and to have strong characters with clear motivation in a compelling story with scary villains. Not people standing in semicircles expositioning on abstruse political insomnia cures. Y'all let me know if you want my thumbnails of the four films Return of the Jedi should have been.
--Jonah
