Ep. VII Return of the DeadGuy or How the Empire Struck Back, Again.
The movie starts with Palpatine hitting the floor of the reactor shaft. He gets up, dusts himself off and hops in the conveniently located escape pod.
In a dreamy flashback scene, we see Palpy scooping up the remains of darth maul, who also fell down a reactor shaft (note to sith - stop fighting near reactor shafts), and storing them in some carbonate (it has an extra oxygen molecule - for extra fizziness), which he conveniently places in an escape pod, for later use.
Back in real-time, Palpy escapes before the DSII explodes. He lands on yet another single-climate planet (perhaps this one is all mud), where he goes on to build the half-Maul, half-Chicken monstrosity that we always see pictures of.
-Fred
Back on Yavin, Luke has established a new Jedi Academy. He has gone far and wide to find those with a high mideclorian (sp?) count. So far he has found two dozen kids who have been training in the Jedi arts. One special child is named Timmy! This kid has the highest mideclorian (again sp?) count that ever registered. He has learned to use his light saber as a mere extention of his hand, and can not be defeated. His only problem is that he has severe A.D.D. and has a propensity to wear lime green and rub soft furry things!
Meanwhile, Luke and Mara Jade have divorced and their slacker son, Barney would rather listen to his ipod all day than practice with his lightsaber. Though he does like to use the force push feature when his class mates get on his nerves, or the force levitation when the girls wear skirts!
Lea is in rehab and Han has traded the Millineum Falcon in for a corvet. Not a small type of ship, the actual car. He and Chewie spend the day riding around with the top down, though Chewie hates having to comb his upper body down after the ride!
C3PO had proclaimed his undying love for a service bot named I-wan-2B, but she is in love with R2 and thus a bitter "oil fued" has resulted.
Suddenly a great disturbance is felt in the force. Luke believes it to be the ressurection of Darth Vader's clone, or the Chicken Maul that was mentioned earlier. He sends Timmy to go investigate, however, Timmy sees a bumble bee and forgets why he was sent out and what he was supposed to look for. He therefore uses his lightsaber to slice bread. He thinks it's cool because it toasts it at the same time!
Luke sends Barney to look for Timmy. After five minutes, Barney gets bored and force grabs Han and Chewie out of the corvet and takes off on a joy ride in it.
Luke discoveres the disturbance in the force to be the spirits of Obi Wan and Qui Gon who have been 'butter cupping' each other in the afterlife. *
* Butter cupping is when you cap your hand over your butt, fart in it and throw it at the other person.
Carry on!