Movie Cliches that need to be Retired.

[0neiros]

OK, so there are some movie Cliches that I've noticed become really prevalent in the last 10-15 years. They were OK once or twice, but now are everywhere, here are my top 2 right now, feel free to contribute your own.

1. Blinky/Noisy secret Equipment. As seen on Goldeneye etc. Bond plants Remote Detonation mines. He activates them, they BEEP, and Leds start blinking, and they keep beeping. Human Beings are predators, they are attuned to Movement, changes in Lighting, and Sound. Having a covert device that blinks and beeps says "HERE I AM".

I love when the hero is setting the timer etc, on a bomb and it's beeping. Yeah, the bad guys won't notice BEEP every BEEP time BEEP I BEEP push BEEP a BEEP button BEEEEEP. And always with the LED Display, not LCD, LED. Of course this is Hollywood assuming we are so stupid that without Blinky blinky beepy beepy, we won't figure out what they just did.

2. The hero gets Kicked, Punched, or Picked up and slammed 30 plus feet into a wall or concrete post, and lies there with a WTF expression on their face. Pick an action film lately for this one.

Last month I was horsing around with my son, went long for a pass, wasn't watching and BAM went back first into a tree. I did NOT lie there with a WTF Expression. I lie there gasping like a fish til I got my wind back, which enabled me to roll around and groan on the ground for 10 minutes, Pick myself up, Limp to the house, down 2 tylenol and 3 advil, and go take a nap.

The blunt force to knock you 30+ feet would Break Bones, Pulverize Organs, and slamming your back into a post would Qualify you for SSD. But Nooooo, Our Hero just gets pissed off, and is a little more Cautious about round 2.

 

[ONEYE]

"I'm (getting) too old for this ssss."

 

[CTF]

This thread's a cliché.

 

[gunnerk19]

Car chases/crashes and the like...

Yeno, the chases where the bad guy is chased by the good guy in any number of totally implausible scenario's; think Will Smith and Martin Lawrence in "Bad Boys" chasing the drug dealers over varying terrain, thru houses, downhill at a -50 degree hillside, while driving around 50 MPH and all ends well for the most part...

Kinda like in "Lone Wolf McQuade" when Chuck is buried alive in his Bronco, stuck and compacted 25 different ways, and just happens to be able to Floor It/Turbo his azz and vehicle out of the ground in a flourish of slo mo and dirt...

 

[Rotwang]

1) The 100-pound (or less) waif that uppercuts a guy more than twice her size and weight, knocks him out first time and there isn't even a scuff on her knuckles.
2) The bad guy/monster isn't really dead and gosh, whaddaya know ! There might be a sequel !
3) Apparently normal human beings can suddenly leap 30 feet into the air, hang in the air for seconds, fly the length of a room, do more flips than than a whole olympic team. Rationalized in one film as "girl powa"
4) The mega-super-duper-computer suddenly becomes aware and starts to kill off humans. The answer ? Let's grab a gun and shoot the monitor !
5) The mega-super-duper-computer suddenly becomes aware and due to its super intelligence can break the laws of physics such as moving peripherals that are not designed to move and using them as weapons. It can also project deadly electric fields around fuse boxes and other safety devices.
6) No matter how well programmed, no matter how much brain capacity, androids and robots will never ever understand human nature. They can calculate the history of the universe right up to the big bang, but a simple joke flies so far above their heads. No matter how long they spend time with humans, they always end up being baffled by simple mundane things.
7) Robots are immortal. Unlike cars and computers robots are completely indestructible, they can be endlessly repaired and can never suffer a catastrophic failure, but they will long for humanity's finite lifespan.
8) In fact all robots have the secret desire to be human, no matter how many advantages they might have over humans. They cannot accept their own nature and wish they where pinocchio ...
9) Patients with a flat ECG can be brought back by defibrilation. No matter the charge it will cause a huge muscle spasm though the required power to do so would cause major permanent damage and likely kill the patient.
10) Robots that do accept their nature invariably rant about how superior they are, automatically despise humans and behave in an evil manner rather than rationally.
11) 6-year olds can crack any computer system or have extensive knowledge of stuff like Linux mainframes. At 15 they can crack alien computer systems.
12) After the big car chase, having jumped over a helicopter, a volcano and the length and breadth of Rhode Island the hero brings up his car at destination and always has a parking spot next to the front door.
13) The last survivor is a blonde bimbo with the IQ of a wet towel, but by virtue of being the last survivor she suddenly magically transforms into a cross between a ninja, a spartan warror and McGuyver and takes out the big nasty.
14) The perfect death trap to take out the baddie never works and it's always up to the casually discarded weapon or tool to do the job at the last second.
15) Of the three most learned scientists in any field, one is always a woman in her early 20s, looks like a model and moves like Lara Croft.
16) The scientific concensus is always wrong. All major scientific discoveries are made in spite of scientists and are achieved by lone mavericks who never follow the established rules. All scientists are evil dogmatic frauds who just want to preserve the status quo and will try anything to stop the maverick from, say, saving the city from a volcanic explosion because their jobs are more important.
17) The hero always has a computer that is at least two full generations ahead of the current top of the line tech. We have large 3D flatscreens, he has a holographic projector. We have Windows 7, his super flashy GUI alone would burn out the heaviest desktop rig possible.
18) Any amount of secret data will always fit on the single most mundane data carrier.
19) Heroes can type at blinding speed and don't even need to hit RETURN, SPACE or CAPS LOCK or ever touch the mouse when hacking a computer
20) The bad guy has the helpless hero in his sights. He pulls the trigger and BANG, the bad guy collapses and dies, revealing the sidekick/romantic interest with a smoking handgun.
21) In human analog alien cultures people drive 60's French cars.
22) All computer systems can interface with each other without problems. They even come with the right connecting wires.

 

[Too Much Garlic]

Great list. Can we add special effects and sound effect clichés and implausible story lines and character relations as well that needs to be retired?

 

[Rotwang]

24) In sitcoms, all male protagonists are 40-something guys, obsessed by old cars, sports and beer. They have a mental age of about 15. They are well-meaning, but completely obtuse and oblivious to the obvious. No matter what they do, they always end up being wrong. Their wives are hot, highly intelligent, perfect in every way and are never wrong or make mistakes.
25) There are no children in sitcoms, there are some highly precocious very cute wisecracking midgets who are often wiser and streetsmart than the adults around them.

 

[kalkamel]

For me it's the bit where the hero walks cool-ly away (usually towards the viewers) from the ginormous explosion.

 

[TK1536]

There's just been a firefight involving semi-auto pistols. When the hero/villain get's up close and begins to monologue, to add that extra level of "OH NO!", he cocks the hammer back with his thumb!

Hello!? You were just shooting round after round, the hammer is already back. Even if you inserted a new magazine, you never have to pull back the hammer manually.

 

[Rotwang]

26) A character is toting a shotgun all day, he's been ready to shoot at a moment's notice, but when he pumps his weapon for dramatic effect, no shell comes out ...
27) The fact that the hero can audibly move the safety on a Glock, the notion that Glocks are invisible to x-rays, made from plastic, some weird Polymer, porcelain or unobtanium, they are the ultimate guns for the bad guys.
28) Explosions that are huge fireballs, even a simple grenade is like a small tactical nuclear weapons and lights up the sky with a 10-foot tall collumn of fire or consumes an entire room with infernal fire as the hero manages to leap to safety.
29) Mooks always carry the latest German-made guns that will barely be able to shoot through wooden tabletops, office desks, water coolers, even plate glass will offer complete immunity as long as it is shattering in slow motion.
30) If the heroes need to blow up something, one of them is fatally wounded and volunteers to stay behind and hold onto the detonator, just as enemies are about to riddle him with bullets.
31) The best cop in the precinct is in a permanent state of war with his superiors, but none dare to bring him up on charges because they secretly admire him and he fixes all the nasty problems. If you want to be a good Comissioner or a chief, you better love to chew out people and be permanently pissed off. If you want to be a good cop, be ready to break every law, execute bad guys like a one-man death squad and have some really witty lines.
32) No matter how many miles of airducts you crawl through, you'll never find yourself into that little puddle of gross slime that has been stinking up the office for a month now.
33) Elevators lack every basic safety feature and the single cable supporting them snaps, sending them crashing to earth. If it has a safety feature it has been accidentally bypassed by a half eaten cheeseburger getting stuck in the mechanism.
34) All pressurised containers will violently explode when hit by a bullet.
35) Cars with less that three wheels on the ground at any time are rigged to explode violently.
36) Time travellers and aliens who come to earth will have absolutely no clue to daily life and cultural references and make one obvious gaffe after the other, though they are secure in their knowledge they have it absolutely right. They will have zero empathy and no ability or instinct to fake their way out of a sticky situation. They are unable to observe a situation, analyse it and copy what obviously would be common behaviour.
37) All animals, especially dinosaurs, will always fight to the death. They can't be chased off, driven away and have no sense of self preservation, relentlessly giving chase. The only way to stop the beast is to kill it or somehow escape.

 

[Servo]

Michael Bay

 

[Lord Boron]

Any one running from and escaping a fire ball. I immediately hate any movie with that.

 

[Contec]

38) Every elevator in the world Has a hatch on the roof which is never locked.
39) The bad guys gets sprayed in the face with pepper spray and it don't effect them more then 5 seconds so that the hero can escape...
40) A cop is matched up with a totaly inappropriate partner against his will...
41) The hero cop gets 48 hours to crack the case.
42) Every car in the world is rigged with explosives so that they create a huge BOOM if another car happens to crash into it.... or just Bump into it.

 

[Jedi2016]

41) The hero cop gets 48 hours to crack the case.

41b) The hero cop gets 24 hours to crack the case.

 

[Rhett J Martin]

Everyone need to go watch "National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon." it addresses nearly every stupid cop movie cliche.

Say it with me "Vilderness Guiles!!!!"

Hell, while you're at it, pop in both "Hot Shots" and "Spaceballs."

I'm still waiting for an adventure/treasure hunter spoof!

Oh, and on topic, any and all stupid car trick. This includes Herbie.

 

[Contec]

43) Big Parades every fraking 356 days a year in every towns (even in tiny small towns)
44) Amish people always builds barns.

 

[DarkHelmet]

24) In sitcoms, all male protagonists are 40-something guys, obsessed by old cars, sports and beer. They have a mental age of about 15. They are well-meaning, but completely obtuse and oblivious to the obvious. No matter what they do, they always end up being wrong. Their wives are hot, highly intelligent, perfect in every way and are never wrong or make mistakes.
25) There are no children in sitcoms, there are some highly precocious very cute wisecracking midgets who are often wiser and streetsmart than the adults around them.

Read my mind. I hate the modern family sitcom.

 

[Colin Droidmilk]

Dialogue 'wit' derived from Ian Malcolm in JP. E.g Avatar's 'Run, definitely run,' line, paraphrase of Goldblum's 'Must go faster' etc. etc. Goldblum was amusing; the imitators just smell.

 

[DarkHelmet]

Off the top of my head:

1. At the end of the movie, Bad guys and good guys fight in an old factory, the bad guy traps good guy (and all is lost) and gives a five minute confession, good guy gets a reprieve and kills bad guy, (who either get electrocuted or falls to his death) then cue cops cars.

2. Police chief hates hero cop.

3. Weird proprietary computer programs that make all sorts of electronic sounds when being used. Screen is also reflected on the face of the user.

4. 13 year old kids saving the day, the country, the world by hacking into a super secret computer. I remember being let down watching Jurassic Park when Lexy was able to hack into the parks computer system :rolleyes

 

[Zombie_61]

24) In sitcoms, all male protagonists are 40-something guys, obsessed by old cars, sports and beer. They have a mental age of about 15. They are well-meaning, but completely obtuse and oblivious to the obvious. No matter what they do, they always end up being wrong. Their wives are hot, highly intelligent, perfect in every way and are never wrong or make mistakes.

Except for the "sports and beer" part (in which I have little to no interest) you've just described my life. :unsure