Dave Porter
Sr Member
Elaine: He's like some Svenjolly
Jerry: So, he has a cheerful mental hold on you?
Jerry: So, he has a cheerful mental hold on you?
Favorite Seinfeld Line
- Thread starter The Keeper
- Start date
JERRY: So, what happened with Tatiana?
GEORGE: I shouldn't even tell you.
JERRY: Come on.
GEORGE: Well, after dinner last week, she invites me back to her apartment..
JERRY: I'm with ya.
GEORGE: Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom.. it's like, right there. It's not even down a little hall, or off in an alcove, you understand? There's no.. buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going, and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So, I know I'm gonna have to stop. And, as this is happening, I'm thinking: "even if I can somehow manage to momentarily extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that bathroom is not going to provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need..
JERRY: This could only happen to you.
GEORGE: So, I finally stop - and say, "Tatiana, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think it would be best if I left."
JERRY: You said this to her.. after?
GEORGE: (Shakes his head) No.. during.
JERRY: Oh boy.
GEORGE: Yeah.
JERRY: Wow. So?
GEORGE: (Takes a deep breath) So I'm dressing, and she's staring up at me struggling to compute this unprecedented turn of events. I don't know what to say to reassure this woman, and worst of all - I don't even have the time to say it. The only excuse she might have possible accepted is if I told her that I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry, I just saw the Bat signal!
GEORGE: I shouldn't even tell you.
JERRY: Come on.
GEORGE: Well, after dinner last week, she invites me back to her apartment..
JERRY: I'm with ya.
GEORGE: Well, it's this little place with this little bathroom.. it's like, right there. It's not even down a little hall, or off in an alcove, you understand? There's no.. buffer zone. So, we start to fool around, and it's the first time, and it's early in the going, and I begin to perceive this impending intestinal requirement, whose needs are going to surpass by great lengths anything in the sexual realm. So, I know I'm gonna have to stop. And, as this is happening, I'm thinking: "even if I can somehow manage to momentarily extricate myself from the proceedings and relieve this unstoppable force, I know that bathroom is not going to provide me with the privacy that I know I'm going to need..
JERRY: This could only happen to you.
GEORGE: So, I finally stop - and say, "Tatiana, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I think it would be best if I left."
JERRY: You said this to her.. after?
GEORGE: (Shakes his head) No.. during.
JERRY: Oh boy.
GEORGE: Yeah.
JERRY: Wow. So?
GEORGE: (Takes a deep breath) So I'm dressing, and she's staring up at me struggling to compute this unprecedented turn of events. I don't know what to say to reassure this woman, and worst of all - I don't even have the time to say it. The only excuse she might have possible accepted is if I told her that I am in reality Batman, and I'm very sorry, I just saw the Bat signal!
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Ardrich Keybus
Guest
"But i don't wanna be a pirate!"
(Jerry's deaf girlfriend who reads lips...)
George: (Holding his drink up to his mouth) Oh my gosh, I just had a great idea. She could come to the party tomorrow and read Gwen's lips for me.
Jerry: (Puts his hand over his mouth) What?
George: (Puts nuts into his mouth, and in the process covers his mouth) We bring her to the party, and she can tell me what Gwen is saying about me.
Jerry: (Holds his drink up to his mouth) She's not a novelty act, George. Where you hire her out for weddings and bar mitzvas.
George: (Puts his hands on his face, rubbing his eyes) Look. It's a skill, just like juggling.
George: (Holding his drink up to his mouth) Oh my gosh, I just had a great idea. She could come to the party tomorrow and read Gwen's lips for me.
Jerry: (Puts his hand over his mouth) What?
George: (Puts nuts into his mouth, and in the process covers his mouth) We bring her to the party, and she can tell me what Gwen is saying about me.
Jerry: (Holds his drink up to his mouth) She's not a novelty act, George. Where you hire her out for weddings and bar mitzvas.
George: (Puts his hands on his face, rubbing his eyes) Look. It's a skill, just like juggling.
JERRY: So all my sneakers are gone?
KRAMER: I'm afraid so. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around - they didn't even have any kids.
JERRY: Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?!
KRAMER: It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time.
ELAINE (amused): So. Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood...establish trust...for 48 years. And then, run off with Jerry's sneakers.
KRAMER: Apparently.
KRAMER: I'm afraid so. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I've been asking around - they didn't even have any kids.
JERRY: Mom and Pop aren't even a Mom and Pop?!
KRAMER: It was all an act, Jerry. They conned us, and they scored, big time.
ELAINE (amused): So. Mom and Pop's plan was to move into the neighborhood...establish trust...for 48 years. And then, run off with Jerry's sneakers.
KRAMER: Apparently.
ghostryder
Legendary Member
JERRY: 'The ocean called, They're running outta shrimp'?
GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, 'Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running outta you.'
JERRY: (smiling) Really? That's great. You said that to him?
GEORGE: (confessing) Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.
JERRY: Oh. That's not quite the same.
GEORGE: No. No it's not.
GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I said to him, 'Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called, and they're running outta you.'
JERRY: (smiling) Really? That's great. You said that to him?
GEORGE: (confessing) Well, actually, I thought it up on the way over here.
JERRY: Oh. That's not quite the same.
GEORGE: No. No it's not.
GEORGE: (shouting) I'm not looking for another line. I got the line.
KRAMER: Look, George, just think about it. You know, you're married, how would you feel if somebody says to you that they just had se...
GEORGE: (really animated) Alright, alright. You see? This is why I hate writing with a large group. Everybody has their own little opinions, and it all gets homogenised, and you lose the whole edge of it. I'm going with jerk store! Jerk store is the line! Jerk store! Yess!
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