The $350 Mascot

Well, I have a Corndog Wagon called Pallookaville.

http://www.therpf.com/showthread.php?t=55604

My signature Corndog is The Fryinstein Monster. Like all good and visionary foods, my Fryinstein Monster needs an unrelated character to personify how delicious and unavoidably wonderful it is.
Examples: Grimace, The Burger King, The Green Giant, The Dough Boy, Keebler Elf and The Miller Lite Chi Phi.
Well after no Marketing and Focus Group Research and about 5 minutes of high level Idea Wrestling this is the Character:



So now I need to find a Mascot Suit, because my TV Commercial budget has taken a hit, and a Homeless Guy in a fuzzy suit with a Sandwich Board is more in my price range.

Me and the Weenie Queen are in this awesome Mexican/Korean/Chinese Grocery Store we frequent and I see this Panda Costume.

As an aside, if you have a "Super H Mart" near you you should check it out.

I had been trying to buy this thing for a year but the old guy wanted $400 for it. I would pass. It got to be our thing.

"Wanna sell that sorry ass Panda thing?"
"Get away from me Giant American."
No sale yet again.

Well the Weenie Queen is busy plowing trough horrendous fake purses that are big enough to hold a body, and have Bedazzles and crap all over 'em, and are ugly as homemade sin, but we have to buy it because it's so cheap, I go over to the suit again.
The old man is nowhere to do seen.
I ask the girl who's helping the Weenie Queen "Purse" how much they want for the Panda suit.

"$100."
"You gotta deal Lady. "

Out comes the money. The Panda suit goes in the cart. I give the Weenie Queen $50 for Purses so she quits raising hell about me buying another "God**** Animal Suit," and I proceed to go buy the stuff we came for.

I'm shopping for our Bananas Foster Corndog so my cart is full of:

A. Bananas. 45 pounds of Bananas.
B. Condensed milk for Caramel, 6 cans.
C. 6 Bottles of Chocolate Syrup.
D. 5 Pounds of Powered Sugar.
E. A Giant Panda Suit.

I go back to get the Queen cause now she's trying to buy $10 Chinese Bras, and that's a bad idea for her to do, so we can get outta here and get the Bananas in the nitrogen.

The Old Man is there.

Our eyes meet.
He says, "What are you doing with my Panda?"
I say, "I bought it."
He says, "No you didn't."
I reply, "Here's the receipt."
He loses his mind and starts throwing papers around.

At this point the Manager and Security come over and listen to the story to decide ownership...

Here's MY Panda suit:







I've already ripped the eyes and nose off the damn thing. IT HAD A HEART SHAPED NOSE. Good gravy what is this damn thing? A Korean Care Bear?
Well, Yes. Yes it is.



I buy some Eyes from http://acrylicdomes.net/





and some fur, and we're ready to make a Mascot.

This:



Into this:



Expenses so far:
$100 Panda Suit.
Priceless fight with Elderly Korean Man.
$50 Worth of cheap Purses.
$60 Eyes.
$50 Fur.
$10 Crackhead to don the suit.
$10 New clothes for Crackhead to wear in suit.
$3 Deodorant for said Crackhead.
$8 Febreze for Suit after Crackhead.
Total so far:
$291 Mascot.

More to come.
Laffo.

:eekOMG... I want a banana-dog!!! :love

I'll drive across GA for one!

Oh yeah.. and the mascot looks...interesting...:thumbsup

(Where is that store?? I wanna big purse..)

It's a frozen Banana, fried in Funnel Cake batter, with homemade Caramel, chocolate sauce and Powdered Sugar.
Do a search for Super H Mart. There are 4 or 5 here.
We go to the Riverdale location.
Laffo.

That mascot is great, I can't keep a straight face looking at it.:lol Can't wait to see it brought to life!

Laffo said:

It's a frozen Banana, fried in Funnel Cake batter, with homemade Caramel, chocolate sauce and Powdered Sugar.
Do a search for Super H Mart. There are 4 or 5 here.
We go to the Riverdale location.
Laffo.

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Mmmm Sounds super yummy:love Great story on the panda suit too. Can't wait to see it come to life!thumbsup:thumbsup

If this turns out anything like Bigfoot. It will be awesome. I can't wait to see it.

AWESOME. You, sir, are full of win. :lol

:lol Awesome Story!! :lol

Love the mascot too.

You need to take the finished suit back in there and flip off the old man! :lol

That's a great story!!! BTW, is that a bananna on the panda's chest? :lol

Awesome!

rollerboi said:

AWESOME. You, sir, are full of win. :lol

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apollo said:

:lol Awesome Story!! :lol

Love the mascot too.

You need to take the finished suit back in there and flip off the old man! :lol

Click to expand...

the_batdemon said:

That's a great story!!! BTW, is that a bananna on the panda's chest? :lol

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Rollerboi, if by "Win" you mean "****, " then Yes. Thank You.

Apollo, the Old Man is getting it. I've been practicing my "3 finger Finger" all afternoon. I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna wear anything other than the Head, Feet and Hands. I think if one is to be flipped off by a Franken-Panda, the Panda should be pants-less.

Batdemon, no it's a Crescent Moon. A Banana would be too cool for this lame-ass Care Bear knock off. With any luck I'll be able to erase any knowledge of Blue Bear from this costume.

Oh, there's been some Budget Revisions.
This was the Original-
"Expenses so far:
$100 Panda Suit.
Priceless fight with Elderly Korean Man.
$50 Worth of cheap Purses.
$60 Eyes.
$50 Fur.
$10 Crackhead to don the suit.
$10 New clothes for Crackhead to wear in suit.
$3 Deodorant for said Crackhead.
$8 Febreze for Suit after Crackhead.
Total so far:
$291 Mascot."

Well, I shouldn't be so uncaring and exploit the Drug Addled Vermin that infest my neighborhood...
Especially since my No Count Ass Face of a Cousin who owes me Money is a Drug Addled Vermin himself. I have Drug Addled Vermin in the immediate family so I should exploit him. I also can force him to bathe, so that solves that.
After looking at the Expenses, I think I can remove the Purses as well . It was good for the story but serves no Mascot use.
Here's the new deal -

Expenses so far:
$100 Panda Suit.
Priceless fight with Elderly Korean Man.
$60 Eyes.
$50 Fur.
$40 Foam, New Glue Gun, Yarn, Upholstery Needles.
$5 Thrift Store Shirts for Patches.
Total so far:
$255 Mascot.

Tomorrow I go to the FAT Store to get pants for the Monster. His waist is a 70. We have this awesome Ghetto Boutique called "Ross Big and Tall," of course we call it "Ross Wide and What the F@#k?" They have pants up to waist size 86 and shirts up to 8X. I know it's true cause it's painted on the outside of the building.

That's the place you wanna buy Giant Pants.

My Super Gay Wig Friend was not at work today so the wigs for Frank's eyebrows and back hair are MIA. My Wig Friend is one of my favorite Characters here in town at the moment. He dresses like a Victorian Undertaker all the time and calls me Darling.

That's someone you want to buy a Wig from.

We were playing a show and I was finishing the Laffo makeup. This kid from another band looks at my makeup box, which is massive, cause everytime we play we're making up 10 clowns out of it, and says, "Hey that's a tough ass Tacklebox."

I look him dead in the eye and Heart Punch him.
I then say, "That's a God@#$% Makeup Box you Ass@#$%. To a Giant Gay Man such as myself, a Tackle Box is something completely different."
He had just met my Wife so he had more problems with that than the Heart Punch. I have no idea what a "Tackle Box" would be to a Gay Man. I'll ask my Wig Friend tomorrow.

I'll post pictures tomorrow of the Ross and My Wig Friend and anything I get done.
All right enough with you Jerks, gonna go get to sewing, like any heterosexual Lumberjack looking guy would do on a rainy day.

Toodles,
Laffo.

For some reason Last night's post is gone.
Here we go.
I'm worried about the acrylic snapping, I've done that before, so the edges get double taped:



Done no mishaps:



Removing some Korean Puke Cuteness:



Why is this the only glue gun out of the 10 I own I can find? Just got the Adult Size so that at least will be better:



In the Business we call this "Fixing the Eyehole." I'll leave it to you to decide what Business that is.



Checking the Eyerrangement.



Lacing the eyes on with Waxed Saddle Thread. This stuff is like steel cable and goes through foam pretty easily.



Checking eyefolds:



Eyes on Marty Feldman style:



Trying the Fuzzy Kruger:



Now I'm done with you Jerks for real.
Laffo.

thats going to be fun to watch

Oh my god, this is my new favorite thread. If I lived in Georgie, I seriously think I'd buy you a beer.

And I'd drink it.
:cheers
Laffo.

How are you planning to make the stiches? I've seen some giant yarns out there that would work well...
OMGz.. I've BEEN in that big and tall store before! I didn't know it was still there!
Another thing.. you should totally soak those bananas in rum & serve them 'flambe' ! Torches to go after the Franken-bear with..

*heads off to the Pleasant Hill Super H*

No fire around Furgahyde.

That and two words: "Great White."
Done with the fire. Years of Fire Breathing have left no fascination in the subject.

That's what I need. Molten Faux Fur on a Crackhead and the Children hugging him. Pretty sure it makes the flaming drips that go "PFFFFZPPT."

I got a Chenille Type Blue Yarn yesterday in fact, so "Great Minds" and all.

The best thing about The Ross is the Whitey Tighties that are 6 feet wide on the wall. I'm going there now. I have gotten into a confrontation with the Proprietor before, so we'll see how this goes.

No, I don't go around picking fights with Store Owners. Happens to be the 2 I HAVE fought with are involved in this project.

Laffo.

cayman shen said:

Oh my god, this is my new favorite thread.

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I was just thinking that. I mean, I always love Laffo's "Interested depending on price" posts, but "Priceless fight with elderly Korean man" is top stuff too.

Laffo said:

Apollo, the Old Man is getting it. I've been practicing my "3 finger Finger" all afternoon. I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna wear anything other than the Head, Feet and Hands. I think if one is to be flipped off by a Franken-Panda, the Panda should be pants-less.

Click to expand...

:lol You've never been flipped off unless it's by an oversized Muppett!:lol

What a lovely background story. This has definitely made my Monday a little happier at the slavemines.