Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Pre-release)

rodneyfaile said:

Would you rather see an Ewok or a Gungan in Episode VII?

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Sluis Van Shipyards said:

The concept of the Gungans was okay though, IMO.

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RougeAvenger81 said:

I wanted someone to read my views on what I would have liked to see done given the story Lucas tried to tell and wasn't sure where else I could post it. So if anyone cares to read what I wrote I will post it below if that's ok.

Please understand that this is simply how I feel the film should have been done. Given the story Lucas wanted to tell about Anakin and his fall to the Dark Side and his love with Padme. These are simply plot points that I wrote and is in no way an attempt to copy anything Lucas has done. It is merely something I wrote for fun that I would have preferred to see, given a similar timeline and storyline that Lucas already put in place. I'm sure I will do one for the other two episodes, but I was just curious if anyone liked what I wrote or had any ideas of feelings on the matter. Yes, I understand there are a lot of errors, I am not a writer or English major, and this was merely done for fun. I know sometimes my thoughts can be all over the place so those that do read it, bear with me. I also understand the story that has been put on film can not be undone. Again, I did this for fun. Thanks to all who give it a look.



Star Wars: Episode I
After the opening crawl we see Obi-wan Kenobi and Qui Gon Jinn for the first time as they arrive on the Trade Federation space station. Both are full blown Jedi Knights. They feel a disturbance in the force. A dark disturbance that they have never felt. Droids attack them in an attempt to assassinate them similar to the original. After escaping we see a cloaked figure on the bridge force choking one of the Trade Federation leaders until he drops to the floor dead; simply stating, "Failure will not be tolerated." and walks off the bridge, never seeing who he is.
We cut to Obi-wan and Qui Gon back on the surface of Naboo; having just fought and destroyed the droid crew of the ship they arrived in. They begin their journey through the jungle and swap only to pause because they feel as though they are being followed and travelling in circles. Several Gungan warriors spring from the swampy waters surrounding their path. The Gungans are true warriors. Primitive, but very effective with what weapons they have. The leader demands to know why they trespass on their lands. Qui Gon, being the diplomat tries to explain their mission to prevent war amongst the Naboo and a massive army that is in space above the planet. They are both ordered to follow them into the water to their city to face punishment for their crimes. Not wanting to fight or harm the Gungans they comply. However, unknown to any of them, several droids had been following them as well and lurk in the water behind them.
Once they arrive at the city the leader hears their reason for being their and scoffs at their friendship with the Naboo. They are about to be exiled into the deep ocean below for trespassing on Gungan land when the small droid contingent erupts through the city wall and attempts to destroy the Jedi and Gungans as well. The Jedi pull their Lightsabers from the Warrior Generals belt and help dispatch the droids. The city walls that were breached crack and crumble threatening to kill everyone. The Jedi together use their abilities to mysteriously hold the wall and ceiling together, long enough for everyone to flee to another room and seal the door before the collapse. Grateful and somewhat in awe over the power of these two strangers, the Gungan Leader agrees to take them through the deep waters to the "Floating Capital City" of the Naboo. A city they would have never reached without a ship or the aid of the Gungans.
Upon arriving, they see the city is in chaos as the invasion has already begun and soldiers and droids fight and destroy the city. The Jedi's purpose to meet the Queen is now a rescue mission for her. They are able to locate a teenaged girl Padme Amidala in the Queen's chambers, but no Queen. The girl explains that the Queen locked her in her chambers while she went to aid/surrender to prevent any further bloodshed, but to get her out of there. The two Jedi, Padme, Protocol droid C-3PO (Padme's assistant) and Gungan General all flee to a Naboo ship that is damaged in during their escape. We meet R2-D2, who attempts to repair the ship and sends them on a wild hyperspace jump to deep outer rim in an attempt to get away.
The ship exits hyperspace above Tatooine and crashes on the surface during a sand storm, barely surviving the crash. As they all discuss what to do when the storm lets up, the Jedi ask, why Padme was so important to the Queen that she surrender to protect her. Padme pulls a holo disk out and plays a recording of the Queen. It explains that in the event the Queen is killed or captured she asks that someone protect this girl, Padme Amidala. For she is her daughter and Princess that has been kept a secret since she was born to protect her until she was old enough to take the throne.
They decide their only hope is to go into a near-by town to attempt to find a new ship. Upon arriving they witness a pod race taking place. People yelling and gambling and fighting. They see a creature taking bets and speaking to various pilots. This catches their eye. They go to speak to him about a good pilot to hire etc. He is disinterested unless they have money for his advice which they don't. The race is finished and the creature is clearly upset as a racing pod pulls into the hanger where they were watching the race. A teenage boy, Anakin Skywalker exits. The creature begins to yell and scream. The boy has an electronic collar on which the creature appears to threaten him with. After the argument about him loosing again, they turn back to their conversation and finish where they started. Anakin over heard and introduces himself as the creature leaves and explains he has a friend who has a ship that might be in port after during the next podrace, but he is not free and Anakin will help if they free him from his slavery. Both Jedi notice something about the teen boy and sense he has a strong connection to the force. They make an agreement that they will help free him in exchange for his friend smuggling them off planet. The two Jedi also notice an immediate connection between Padme and Anakin.
Anakin and the two Jedi make a plan during the next race Anakin will crash his pod allowing the clean up crews to come get him. In the confusion of the crash R2-D2 will remove his neck piece and they will flee to the hanger where is friend is waiting. The creature will assume he died in the crash and they will flee off world and no one would know. All goes according to plan except the creature realizes what is happening and attempts to stop them as they arrive in the hanger. They board a ship piloted by none other than Chewbacca. The ship is the Millennium Falcon. Much nicer and newer looking than in later years. Chewie is known to smuggle slaves off world because he himself was once a slave. We last see the ship jump into hyperspace and the creature speaking to a Mandilorian bounty hunter. He explains that he is with the Jedi now and killing him won't be worth it. Then he says, "His family. Bring me his family. He will experience a different kind of pain for betraying me."
Aboard the Falcon they all discuss what just happened and what they plan to do next. The Jedi are worried for Anakin now that his former master knows he's alive. He explains that he will be fine and his family is well hidden and unknown where they are so he isn't worried about him anymore. They explain what they need to do on Coresaunt and who Padme is. They also ask Anakin if he has ever heard of the Force or experienced anything most would feel is impossible. They explain that they can sense the Force within him very strongly and they would like for him to speak to the counsel. He agrees since he has now where else to go.
They arrive at the Capital and Qui Gon goes with Padme to speak with the Chancellor about the invasion while Obi-wan takes Anakin to the Jedi Counsel. Chewie bids fair well and leaves.
Anakin is placed in a dark room by himself. He is asked to quiet his mind and focus on his surroundings and explain what he feels and sees. Slowly he begins to explain that he can see people, in the shadows. slowly moving around him. He hears voices in his head. Growing louder. Asking him questions. Who he is? Where did he come from? What does he fear most? They ask him to let go of his mind and emotion. A wave of thoughts or being tortured erupt in his mind. Pain! Anger! Hatred for those his did this too him! Vengeance is on his mind. He hears thoughts of being too old and full of hate. Undisciplined. Then he hears Obi-wan. Quiet your mind. Control your thoughts. Anakin gets a glimpse of Padme in his mind. His breathing slows, he clams down. And then it's over.
The room slowly lights up as the curtains open. He is in a large room at the top of the Jedi Temple. It is empty. In walks several members of the Counsel. Mace Windu, and Yoda are among them. Obi-wan is last to walk in. He looks concerned. They sit. Yoda asks why he came to them. Anakin explains he wishes to be trained. Obi-wan has explained to him the purpose of the Jedi. To bring peace and freedom to people who need it. Mace interrupts and explains bringing freedom, does not mean reaping vengeance on those who enslave! Anakin attempts to rebuttal, but the counsels mind has been made. You are too old and full of pain and anger! You are not to be trained in our order. Obi-wan attempts to plea with them. Their decision has been made. Obi-wan explains later that he will speak with them and do all he can to train him. Even if he must defy the counsel.
Qui Gon and Padme explain to Chancellor Palpatine what has occurred on her world and who she is. The chancellor explains they have no army to send and it would take the Senate weeks to come to a vote. She request on behalf of her mother, the Queen, that the Chancellor is granted the executive decision to render aid without counsel approval. He explains that is impossible. It is at this time Anakin and Obi-wan arrive. The Chancellor stops and stares at Anakin. As if he could see his past and his feelings all at once. He then explains, however, the Jedi do not fall under the Senate and can help. They present themselves in front of the counsel who state that only a small contingency can be spared and they do not want to throw the Jedi into war. Only because they wish to know who this cloaked figure is that is threatening Naboo with war and what the great disturbance was they felt. Obi-wan, Qui Gon, Mace Windu and two other regular Jedi are to accompany Padme to Naboo in an attempt to rescue the queen and free their army. They are not to engage in anything further then the rescue.
We see the cloaked person in the throne room of the Naboo Palace. He is speaking with another cloaked figure on the holonet. The person on the holonet explains the Jedi are coming to find him. He explains that his plan to remain a secret from the Jedi has changed. It is time to let the Jedi know we exist again. You final test as my apprentice has arrived. The cloaked person rises from the throne chair and takes off his cloak. The Sith will raise this galaxy into chaos. And in the rubble, the Jedi will lay dead at our feet. A Sith Lord, I will be at last. The holonet turns off.
The Jedi arrive on the surface of Naboo, during the night. Anakin is charged with protecting Padme once the fighting starts. Padme is needed to show her where the Queen may be held along with the army. They recruit the Gungan army to assemble just outside of the Naboo Capital because the droid army had over run their cities as well. They are to draw out the droid army that has captured the city to allow the Jedi to rescue the Queen with minimal resistance and free the army inside.
They enter the city shortly after the Gungans attack still during the night. Mace Windu and the other two Jedi free the pilots and attack the space station. Obi-wan and Qui Gon along with Anakin and Padme are to search for the Queen. Padme leads them to the throne room, because there is a prison chamber located off of the main room for prisoners awaiting trial. Upon entering the Throne room they see Queen kneeling in the center of the room, chained to the floor. The cloaked figure on the throne. He raises up, removes his cloak. The tell him to let her go as they walk forward. The Sith sends Force lightning through the floor and shocks the Queen badly. "I wouldn't come any closer, if you value her life." They step back. Padme is clearly upset as Anakin holds her back. They ask why he has brought war to these people. "Because, war is inevitable. Now you get to see your true enemy. One that has been in front of you for a millennia." They ask who he is. "I am Darth Maul, Lord of the Sith!" They did not notice how close he had gotten to the Queen. Darth Maul ignites his lightsaber as he swings it across the Queens back. The Jedi ignite theirs and a dual begins. Anakin and Padme run to the Queens side.
The Jedi exchange blows and force pushes while fighting through the halls of Castle. The Jedi above fight a vicious space battle. Gaining entry to the space station fighting their way through the corridors in an attempt to shut down the droid army. The Gungans battle rages on. As the fight carries out onto a long stone catwalk over the water, they fight back and forth. Anakin runs to help only to see Obi-wan get Force Lightning over the side to another walkway below. Darth Mauls and Qui Gon fight. Anakin rushes in to help. They are at the end of the catwalk where a stone gazebo type area is. Anakin is pushed aside with a vicious bolt of lightning, holding him next to him at Darth Mauls feet. Qui Gon leaps in to take advantage only to have Maul spear him with the end of his lightsaber. Qui Gon rolls his lightsaber to Anakin. Padme is still in the other room, the Queen dying in her arms. Maul taunts Qui Gon and explains he has failed. The Jedi will be no more and he is the first to come to that reality. Mace Windu and the others secure the space station and disable the droids as he senses the disturbance of Qui Gons pain. Anakin grabs the lightsaber, ignites it and cuts off his legs.Qui Gon falls backwards, Maul falls to the ground. He begins to crawl toward the edge in an attempt to get away. We see the first glimpse of Anakin's true nature. Maul begs for mercy. Anakin feels Padme's pain. He cuts off one arm below the elbow. He screams and crawls to the edge with one hand. Anakin asks if he enjoys his own pain as much as he does others. Maul begs for mercy leaning off the edge of the walkway. Qui Gon tries to tell Anakin to stop. Padme cries out as her mother dies. Anakin sheds a tear. "Not as much as I shall enjoy feeling yours!" and he cuts him down. Killing him and letting him fall over the side.
Mace Windu feels a disturbance, but is unsure of it. Qui Gon died in that same moment as the Sith. Obi-wan comes to and runs to their aid. He sees Anakin on his knees at the edge of the walkway. Qui gon dead and his lightsaber in Anakin's hand. Obi-wan looks at him and asks if he is alright. Anakin explains he tried to save him, but couldn't. Obi-wan assumes it was all done with the best efforts and suspects nothing is wrong. Ships center the atmosphere like fireworks, the Gungans celebrate, and everyone seems happy. Anakin helps Padme and comforts her.
Later, Padme is announced as the heir to the Naboo throne and newly appointed Queen. We see Obi-wan speaking with Mace Windu and Yoda in private back at the Jedi temple. He argues that he will train Anakin regardless if he must do it on his own. They explain that Obi-wan learned too well from Qui-gon when he was his padawan. They express their concern with this dark disturbance they have felt within Anakin and how the test went and why he was denied. Obi-wan explains that anyone can be a force for good with the right guidance and Anakin has shown great potential and strength in the force, defeating a possible Sith Lord. They explain that if he was a Sith a second one there must be and finding him is a huge concern to them. They agree that Anakin may be trained, but under their watchful eye.
Anakin is with the Chancellor at his request after hearing how heroic Anakin was. He and Obi-wan explain that Anakin will be allowed to enter the Jedi order. The Chancellor seems very pleased and explains a hero who took down a Sith Lord should expect nothing less. As they depart Obi-wan walks ahead of Anakin as the Chancellor quietly says he looks forward to seeing what the future holds for one who is already as powerful as he is with the Force. Anakin gives a slight bow and walks down the hall towards a ship with Obi-wan. Obi-wan explains they must depart for another world to begin his training. Anakin asks if he can say goodbye to Padme. Obi-wan explains his first lesson as a Jedi is he must let go of that attachment. They are forbidden to love another in the way he feels for her. Anakin tries to interrupt, but is stopped by Obi-wan. He asks if he understand. Anakin gives a half hearted bow and says, "Yes, Master." Obi-wan says good, now on to new adventures, you have much to learn. And we see them depart in a ship into hyperspace.
End Credits.

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Edwardowan said:

Good grief! I'm not gonna read all that! .
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jme3 said:

Lazy! Lazy!

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Sluis Van Shipyards said:

I didn't either. Is there a Cliff Notes version?

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DaddyfromNaboo said:

You did miss something And btw., quoting a complete post (and especially such a long one) by another member just to state that you´re not gonna read it is a waste of page space, isn´t it?

Regarding the post, a few interesting points and suggestions in it, streamlining a few storylines and omitting a lot of the political nonsense and unnecessary exposure, but still too close to what Lucas did, namely simply produce a work of "cinema of attraction", i.e. action after action often without really adding to the story, paper thin characters without real motivations and no depth. Still, I like this alternate fanfiction version, it´s got potential.

If you look at Lucas´ first drafts of ANH, you will notice how close his narrative style back then was to what we got in EP1. ANH wouldn´t have been what we love without the help of Campbell.

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rodneyfaile said:

A group of people working together made Star Wars. Employees of a corporation made the prequels.

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JD said:

Employees are a "group of people." :facepalm

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rodneyfaile said:

Employees of a corporation are not necessarily a group of people "working together" though. Lucas himself said that he became like the giant company that he once struggled against.

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JD said:

If you're employed for a corporation and not working - you're not going to be employed very long.

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JD said:

Please provide a source for the GL quote.

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rodneyfaile said:

If only that we're true, lol.

Also, "working" and "working together" are are entirely altogether different.






I think I saw it in "The People vs George Lucas" documentary, but I could be wrong.

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jcoffman99 said:

"I hate corporations and I'm not happy that they have taken over the film business but on the same hand I find myself being the head of a corporation. There's a certain irony there."

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