Roland33
New Member
I've recently watched the scene from Howard Hawks classic 1953 film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes where Marilyn Monroe's character Lorelei Lei finds herself getting stuck in the porthole window on a ship while trying to escape. Then comes along George Winslow's character Henry Spofford III to have a comedic exchange with Lorelei Lei before helping her out of the window.
It's always been a pet peeve to me that the scene would've also been as funny and even better has the character Henry Spofford III somehow managed to break into the cabin room that Lorelei Lei was in and help her out from the behind instead.
So putting on my director's hat, here's an alternative script I had in mind after watching the scene that could've worked:
GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES – ALTERNATE SCENE
(INSIDE LORELEI’S CABIN)
SMALL, CRAMPED CABIN. A SHAFT OF MOONLIGHT through the ROUND PORTHOLE.
LORELEI LEE (MARILYN MONROE) IS STUCK HALFWAY THROUGH IT — HER UPPER BODY OUTSIDE, HER LOWER BODY AND LEGS INSIDE — KICKING HELPLESSLY. HER DRESS IS BUNCHED AT THE WAIST.
LORELEI
(muffled, to herself)
If this is freedom, I’ll take the lock—
DOOR HANDLE RATTLES. The door cracks open and in slips HENRY SPOFFORD III (GEORGE WINSLOW), small and solemn in blazer and cap.
HENRY
My mother says a lady should never be halfway anywhere.
LORELEI
Henry! How—?
HENRY
(overlapping) Told the steward I was on official business. He didn’t ask what kind.
LORELEI
Well, here’s your assignment — get me out!
HENRY WALKS OVER, STUDYING THE SITUATION WITH A SERIOUS EXPRESSION.
HENRY
You’re wedged.
LORELEI
(overlapping) I noticed—
HENRY
You need leverage.
HE LOOKS AROUND — SPOTS A SMALL STEAMER TRUNK. DRAGS IT BEHIND HER WITH A GRUNT. CLIMBS ON TOP UNTIL HE’S LEVEL WITH HER HIPS.
LORELEI
Henry—what are you—
HENRY
Adjusting to the problem.
HE PLACES HIS HANDS FIRMLY ON HER BUTT — A COMICALLY SERIOUS, BUSINESSLIKE GRIP — FEET PLANTED FOR BALANCE.
LORELEI
Oh! Careful—
HENRY
Count of three. One—
LORELEI
If you count too fast—
HENRY
(overlapping) —Two—Three!
HE GIVES A FIRM PUSH. LORELEI WIGGLES. NOTHING.
HENRY
You’re holding your breath.
LORELEI
I’m holding everything!
ANOTHER PUSH — THIS TIME WITH RHYTHMIC ROCKING. THE PORTHOLE CREAKS. LORELEI SLIDES BACK AN INCH, THEN ANOTHER.
LORELEI
Something’s giving—
HENRY
(overlapping) It’s the window, not me.
ONE FINAL SHOVE AND POP! LORELEI SLIPS BACK INTO THE CABIN, LANDING SQUARELY IN HENRY’S LAP. THE TRUNK TILTS, BUT HE HOLDS HIS BALANCE — DEADPAN, HAIR SLIGHTLY MUSSED.
LORELEI
(smoothing her dress) Thank you, Henry. You’ve saved a lady in distress.
HENRY
It’s my specialty.
HE STEPS OFF THE TRUNK, PUTS ON HIS CAP, EYES THE LOCKED CABIN DOOR.
HENRY
Next time, try not to escape through the furniture.
LORELEI GIVES HIM A SLY, BREATHLESS SMILE.
FADE OUT.
It's always been a pet peeve to me that the scene would've also been as funny and even better has the character Henry Spofford III somehow managed to break into the cabin room that Lorelei Lei was in and help her out from the behind instead.
So putting on my director's hat, here's an alternative script I had in mind after watching the scene that could've worked:
GENTLEMEN PREFER BLONDES – ALTERNATE SCENE
(INSIDE LORELEI’S CABIN)
SMALL, CRAMPED CABIN. A SHAFT OF MOONLIGHT through the ROUND PORTHOLE.
LORELEI LEE (MARILYN MONROE) IS STUCK HALFWAY THROUGH IT — HER UPPER BODY OUTSIDE, HER LOWER BODY AND LEGS INSIDE — KICKING HELPLESSLY. HER DRESS IS BUNCHED AT THE WAIST.
LORELEI
(muffled, to herself)
If this is freedom, I’ll take the lock—
DOOR HANDLE RATTLES. The door cracks open and in slips HENRY SPOFFORD III (GEORGE WINSLOW), small and solemn in blazer and cap.
HENRY
My mother says a lady should never be halfway anywhere.
LORELEI
Henry! How—?
HENRY
(overlapping) Told the steward I was on official business. He didn’t ask what kind.
LORELEI
Well, here’s your assignment — get me out!
HENRY WALKS OVER, STUDYING THE SITUATION WITH A SERIOUS EXPRESSION.
HENRY
You’re wedged.
LORELEI
(overlapping) I noticed—
HENRY
You need leverage.
HE LOOKS AROUND — SPOTS A SMALL STEAMER TRUNK. DRAGS IT BEHIND HER WITH A GRUNT. CLIMBS ON TOP UNTIL HE’S LEVEL WITH HER HIPS.
LORELEI
Henry—what are you—
HENRY
Adjusting to the problem.
HE PLACES HIS HANDS FIRMLY ON HER BUTT — A COMICALLY SERIOUS, BUSINESSLIKE GRIP — FEET PLANTED FOR BALANCE.
LORELEI
Oh! Careful—
HENRY
Count of three. One—
LORELEI
If you count too fast—
HENRY
(overlapping) —Two—Three!
HE GIVES A FIRM PUSH. LORELEI WIGGLES. NOTHING.
HENRY
You’re holding your breath.
LORELEI
I’m holding everything!
ANOTHER PUSH — THIS TIME WITH RHYTHMIC ROCKING. THE PORTHOLE CREAKS. LORELEI SLIDES BACK AN INCH, THEN ANOTHER.
LORELEI
Something’s giving—
HENRY
(overlapping) It’s the window, not me.
ONE FINAL SHOVE AND POP! LORELEI SLIPS BACK INTO THE CABIN, LANDING SQUARELY IN HENRY’S LAP. THE TRUNK TILTS, BUT HE HOLDS HIS BALANCE — DEADPAN, HAIR SLIGHTLY MUSSED.
LORELEI
(smoothing her dress) Thank you, Henry. You’ve saved a lady in distress.
HENRY
It’s my specialty.
HE STEPS OFF THE TRUNK, PUTS ON HIS CAP, EYES THE LOCKED CABIN DOOR.
HENRY
Next time, try not to escape through the furniture.
LORELEI GIVES HIM A SLY, BREATHLESS SMILE.
FADE OUT.
