Dr Grordbort's Custom Raygun Contest Entries

[Art Andrews]

Entry 20

Stampede Atomizer

Note from the creator:

The gun is modeled after a 4 barrel “duckfoot” gun that was used by ship
captains to tame unruly crews. The “eye-pod” provides automatic targeting based on the species selected (Moon Man, Venusian, Martian or Tax Man). The automatic targeting plus
devastating action of 4 simultaneous rays insures that the worst recruit will manage to hit something useful some of the time. The gun is painted in Venusian standard dazzle camouflage.

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 21

The Self-Righteous American Bison

Note from the creator:

Here is my submission called "The Self-Righteous American Bison" which I describe as a special edition from Grordbort Labs, made originally for ceremonial purposes (hence the nickle-aid chromium plating). This particular specimen, however, has seen moderate use and show signs of blast residue and oxidation.

This gun is detailed mostly from existing materials and parts, though the top fins and the trigger guard were scratch built.

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 22

Brahman 38 Special

Note from the creator:

Brahman 38 Special
Sniper Riffle - With Buckshot FX

Dimensions:
32” x 10.4” x 3.5”

Weight:
Approx 2.8 lbs


A sleek blunderbuss riffle and adaptation of the Righteous Bison, the Brahman 38 Special harnesses the unpredictable forces of Cud Methanium [in the green tubes] and powers it though a ray-beam with the precision required by an elite sniper.

Lord Cockswain is a fan of his standard Blunderbuss, though I'm sure he would rather prefer his sniper forces using one of these when providing him with cover-fire. It is my understanding that his own blunderbuss has a generalised ray-beam and really only requires a generalised target.

Cud Methanium is a volatile gas that can produce a pungent explosion. Compression of the gas and held in the canister creates a more versatile transport of the bovine product than it’s raw state. Gently heating the canisters inside the gun – and redirecting the Righteous Bison’s technology - creates a “slicey-dicey” bright green beam.

Originally named after a young Brahman bull #38 called “Buckshot” – At 18 months old, he is a light-weight animal with a hefty kick. Although a bit of a hot-tempered scatterbrain, this young bull has been known to strike with great precision. Having recently smarting a carrier driver firmly on the knee before jumping many fences to get away from the transporter craft.

The Brahman 38 Special has that blunderbuss style that Lord Cockswain’s so fond of, and is as easy to use. It all comes down to that little lever on the left hand side - to draw down the beam to a precision shot. Of cause opening-up the beam would produce the Buckshot FX so common with mechanical blunderbusses…Scattering the burning ray to produce a light and random “peppering”.

Sometimes all the troupes need just a little bit of encouragement!

Important Note - When using the Buckshot FX exclusively, and not allowing the canisters to discharge, may cause them to combusterphart. Such games as Melty-Melty are popular amongst the troupes so the Brahman38 should be used with caution at the camp fire!

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 23

Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump Enzymatic Arbalest

Note from the creator:

Flavor text short story to explain the name for the hell of it:

“She’s not heavy, she has weight.” Lieutenant Harwick Nally-Willwright maintained impeccable posture as he spoke, but his contempt for Her Majesty’s Budgetary Field Review was as subtle as a moustachioed truncheon. “I don’t claim she is meant for marching. Quarry is drawn to her. Then it dies.”

The meeting chair sat back, glancing at his fellow board members. “This... extensive retrofit was rejected by the Ministry of Exploration.”

Harwick stiffened (Upper lip outward, as was proper). “Their only concern is retaining a skull for a trophy. What we found has no respect for the game of discovery.” He paused, regarding a window. “Venusian eyes are like a pox. They care nothing of pride.”

“You stripped the elegance from this design. Such a name...”

“Such a name reflects a willingness to kill in as efficient a manner possible for the purest of practical reasons! Admittedly without due consideration of scale, but....” A bead of sweat appeared on the lieutenant’s brow. “Look, I give you that the connection is too clever by half, but if the hordes reach our shores you'll be clawing for breath as those long ago were compelled to hunt meat. Carry her in reserve, limit one to an outpost, whatever measure of inexpense you care to inflict, but I will not starve men of their lives!” He hefted the weapon from the table. It was indeed more artillery than sidearm. “She is the cliff we need, gentlemen. I bid you—if someone could just, yes, the door, thank you—I bid you good day!”

APPROVED: Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump Enzymatic Arbalest

APPROVED: Indefinite unpaid leave, Lieutenant Harwick Nally-Willwright

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 24

The Irate Ox Microfusion Hole Kicker

Note from the creator:

The Irate Ox features an inner and outer helix configuration of focal nodes. This allows the microfusion generator better cooling combined with more devastating fire power. The design also includes a stripped down body design and simpler interface for easier use in the field. Since the new design maximizes heat mitigation the Irate Ox is set to full power at all times and now only includes a safety switch. This will more than insure all soldiers of the expeditionary force will be at the ir best at all times and can focus their attention on aiming at the Venusians. Due to a part surplus, the Ox also features dual fins for posterity... Not to mention clearing out our warehouse. Lastly for the sake of keeping our fighting forces looking sharp the Ox comes standard with a pearl grip.

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 25

The Laughing Angus

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 26

The Vengeful Guzerat

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 27

Bos Taurus Imperator

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 28

The Yelping Yak - (from the lovely sound that a properly tuned brass resonance multiplier makes as four GigaDoyles of impertinent plamsa makes it way from the collimation field)

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 29

The Malevolent Longhorn

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 30

B-Fin Black Beam Source - (you may need to say it out loud to get the bovine reference)

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 31

The Martian Matador

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 32

The Unrighteous Ungulate

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 33

The Plasma-Augmented DroughtMaster XL Storm Rifle

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 34

The Siamese Seladang

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 35

The 'Beefmaker III' - a laboratory modification by Sir Tennyson Bonaparte Loin

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 36

Cataclysmic Crimson Cow Creamer - (cows were the test subject we had, and they often looked like cream by the end of the tests. Bloody cream)

Note from the creator:

‘The Cataclysmic Crimson Cow Creamer utilises an explosive venom harvested from the glands of a Benevolent Blasting Beetle which has only recently been discovered on the Venusian plains. The discovery came about when a certain Dr Lexington Venerus was out hiking in the wilds one day when he stepped on the Beetle. Unfortunately he came off second best and lost a foot and part of his leg. But that is beside the point, after further experimentation we discovered that when distilled, titrated and de-ionised the explosive yield of the Beetles venom can reach sub atomic levels. It was when we were testing the latest advancement in this experiment that the accident happened. You can probably see the crater from earth come to think of it. In short, the pheromones of a certain wasp (the Stinging Storpitrus) set off a nuclear reaction in the venom of the Beetle, causing, in short, devastation.

Luckily for me, when my colleagues made this discovery I was otherwise preoccupied on the other side of the planet hunting one of the more endangered species, Who manage to evade me for 3 days in a row. Bagged the ******* in the end, he’s mounted on my wall.

Anyway, back to the weapon at hand. After surviving the explosion that killed the rest of the research team I managed to refine the technologies and keep both bugs alive within their vials so that a continued supply of secreted venom and pheromones was available to use. Then I did the next best thing to making a nuclear bomb, and made a gun that launched nuclear bombs, in a chemical form.

The pheromones are pumped through a series of flux de-polarisers, matter materialisers, ionisation chambers, stoichometrical helispheres and an electrolysing plasma particiliser. After it passes through this process the pheromones of the Stinging Storpitrus are kept in a gaseous form, to be released when the beetle venom passes through its adjacent chamber.

The venom of the Benevolent Blasting Beetle takes a different route however; it proceeds through various moleculerelised charging chambers, capacitorial discombobulators, aparative atomisation chambers and a titration terminal. The end result of this is much the same as the end result of the pheromones. It is very concentrated and as a result has a much higher atomic yield.

The business end of the weapon has a magnetic acceleration chamber that charges both substances as they pass through towards the specially designed funnel at which point the pheromones are released as a gas and the beetle venom as a solid substance much like salt. (I had a lot of problems trying to discover a way to make the substances not explode as they contacted each other; ultimately I coated the venom salt in a rubber like material and mixed a low amount of acid with the gaseous form of the pheromones. Depending on how much rubber is coated on the salt and how much acid is mixed with the pheromones I could easily make it travel for thousands of kilometres before exploding.) Also, due to the magnetic accelerators the salt flew out so fast that it could break the gravitational field of the planet.

I also built a powerised flux complacentriser into the stock of the weapon. This effectively downgrades the power, or increases it depending on your preferences. Say you want to toast your toast in the morning, turn the dial right down and it’s a toaster. Say Mars was pissing you off, ramp it up and there goes Mars. The major letdown of this weapon, or toaster, is the fact that it needs to be fired with the assistance of a bipod, I was unable to come up with an effective method of holding the forward portions of the gun without the test subjects being violently electrocuted or de-ionised and exploding into molecular pieces (messy clean-up that one was).

Where does the Righteous Bison come in you say!? Originally I was using a 2000 Kw generator to power the various contrapulations within the weapon, very in-efficient trying to lug that thing around and so in my travels I stumbled across a Righteous Bison (that was in storage due to some defect). A little modification, some gears, various internal changes and she was right as rain to be my power supply. In all honesty, without it I’d still be carting a 10 tonne generator around with me.

All in all I would recommend the Cataclysmic Crimson Cow Creamer as a toaster, a small game hunting rifle, a big game hunting rifle, a planetary defence weapon, and anything in between. And, if you so desired to make creamed cow pudding, this babies your best bet. This is all assuming that you do not touch any part of the rifle that is not wooden, and use a bipod at all times. You wouldn’t want your loved ones last memory of you being trying to scrub you out of the carpet. It’s not a pretty thing to try and do. Trust me, I’ve been there.’

Extract for the Diary of Dr Davius Wilsornas

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 37

The Heifathon 88

Note from the creator:

The pistol has been manufactured by re-melting the Imitation Metal that the Bison was originally made from.

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 38

The Johnson 5000 Bullock Berator

Note from the creator:

Upon entering the Venusian atmosphere the trans lunar transport vessel "Atomic Aphrodite"(crewed entirely by the fairer sex by jingo!) Carrying the very last shipment of "Righteous bisons" from the lunar foundries, encounters an ion storm of epic proportions.
Crash landing on the surface far from help and with all power sources destroyed by the ionic disturbance. The intrepid crew finds themselves besieged by countless hordes of murderous beasts, with only makeshift bludgeons and rudimentary blades bodged from the very ship itself the odds seem insurmountable.
Meanwhile in the very bowels of the vessel the exceptional ships engineer miss Katie "rocket" Johnson is desperately searching for a new source of power. Frustrated at her lack of progress and angered by the loss of her friends not to mention the damage to her beloved Aphrodite, she lashes out at one of the native Venusian bombardier beetles which seem to have snuck into every nook and cranny.
Suddenly a huge surge of neutron particles ejected from the rear of the bulbous little bug, slices through the bulkhead like it was made of cottage cheese, Finally the answer seems at hand.
Working through the night she carefully encases one of the little buggers within the carcass of a defunct Righteous Bison, Stepping out blinking into the Venusian morning she aims at the nearest drooling Beastie and fires, Upon regaining consciousness she realises nothing is left but a strange scent of charred beef and singed hair wafting in the breeze.
With some slight adjustments the new weapon turns the slavering tide and is soon in use by Lord Cockswains Expeditionary force, smiting the heathen masses wherever it is aimed.

Behold, the "Johnson 5000 Bullock Berator" is born, Scourge of stinking hordes across the galaxy. (approved by 98% of martian housewives.)

 

[Art Andrews]

Entry 39

The Cunning Cattlestop - Methane Manipulator

Note from the creator:

Narwhal-bone handle
*** meter - with RED Happiness zone