Battleship 2012

Discussion in 'Entertainment and Movie Talk' started by Ford W Maverick, Dec 17, 2011.

  1. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    So at this point I think we're all aware of this movie. Is ANYONE looking forward to seeing it?

    I've never had a bigger case of WTF over just the CONCEPT of basing a movie on the Battleship game, but then I saw the first trailer: Battleship - Official Trailer [HD] - YouTube

    I seriously facepalmed at this. I mean, someone spent MONEY on making this. Someone got Liam Neeson to be in this! I'm assuming it was the same people that kidnapped his daughter in the movie Taken and this is what he had to do to get her back.

    And then in the second trailer they tried to make it all serious and dramatic and in many ways that's actually FUNNIER: Battleship - Official Trailer #2 (HD) - YouTube

    I think if Battleship didn't claim to be based on the board game I'd look at it a lot more favorably though. I mean, there COULD be a fun plot in there, in that 'so stupid it's fun' kinda way, but the claims that it's based on the game are ridiculous.

    It's like when Pirates of the Caribbean claimed to be based on the Disney ride. Really? Yeah, there's a ride at Disney with that name and it has an animated skeleton or two, but that's a pretty big leap to the movie being BASED on it.

    If anything, Battleship has even LESS to do with the board game than Pirates has with the ride. The Battleship game has no characters, no plot to speak of, in essence it's kind of an advanced form of hide and seek (Hide and Seek the movie is MY idea, I'm writing it, back off) so how is it based on the game?

    Yeah, there's a Battleship in it (which there shouldn't be, but by some convoluted plot-twistery they'll have one in there) and they'll be in some space-bubble so it'll be like the little arena from the game and they'll be shooting at other ships, but the other ships are ALIEN TRANSFORMERS. And please, don't tell me those aren't transformers because, well, LOOK AT THEM. They might not transform, but it's obvious what they're ripping off.

    So yeah, alien transformers from the deep put up a big bubble and they're using it to shield themselves from retaliation as they fire building-destroying death-balls into the nearest cities. The only ones that can stop them are the ships from some naval exercise using antiquated ships that got stuck inside the bubble. Oh, and there's a romantic subplot, because Hollywood DEMANDS a romantic subplot.

    So all that is a setup for one line. Yes, ONE LINE. Everyone gets to pay $9 to wait a whole movie for someone (please let it be Neeson) to say "You sank my Battleship!" After which a little bit of all of us DIES.

    I really don't want to knee-jerkingly say that this is going to suck, but seriously, how can it NOT?

    Bottom line is, if I saw that trailer and it was called "Invaders From the Deep" or something I might not watch it, but I wouldn't be spending time talking about how stupid it is.

    Actually, I WOULD see it, just not in the theater. I'd wait and watch it on Netflix. Then afterward, yeah, I'd probably talk about how it sucked.
     
  2. Krull

    Krull Sr Member

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    I will admit this is the oddest,most off-the-wall idea for a movie yet.....however I have heard they are planning a flick off of Hot Wheels...yes the toy cars,how they intend to pull that off I just don't know.

    Oh well I won't go to see it but I will read and maybe see it on DVD,big IF on that though.
     
  3. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    They did a Hot Wheels cartoon and I don't know how they did that, so I can't imagine what a movie would look like.
     
  4. Cookiee Monsta

    Cookiee Monsta Well-Known Member

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    Think along the lines of the "Fast & Furious" franchise. ;)
     
  5. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    That bad huh? :D
     
  6. wannab

    wannab Sr Member

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    They already made it = Speed Racer.


    Doug
     
  7. cayman shen

    cayman shen Master Member

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    I think Battleship sounds moronic...but I also mocked the hell out of POTC ("A movie based off an amusement park ride?!?!?") and the first one turned out to be a hoot. So maybe Battleship will rule, then they'll make a bunch of incredibly boring sequels! :lol
     
  8. Sundowner

    Sundowner Master Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I can see the movie reviews now ..."Stars, 4.....Miss":lol
     
  9. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    Shen; Pirates was kinda off of my radar, I didn't know it was coming out till I saw the trailer and THAT trailer was a * good one, so I was on board. I didn't hear till later that it was 'based' on the ride. I knew it had the same name as the ride, which I've been on even, but I didn't think they were trying to claim they'd based the plot on it in any significant way.

    Wannab; My review of the Speed Racer trailer (didn't see the movie) was that it looked like someone vomited a bunch of toy cars and a strand of lit Christmas lights into a tumble-dryer and filmed it.

    Dorian; That's just awesome right there. :D
     
  10. Jedi2016

    Jedi2016 Sr Member

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    I really hope this brings in like ten dollars on its opening weekend. I want it to flop.
     
  11. the_batdemon

    the_batdemon Sr Member

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    I think the tie-in toys are slated to come out 1st or 2nd Quarter. I see this movie as GI Joe meets Transformers (Decepticons), a way to unite their other properties that have been made into movies....or re-paint and get rid of some toy back-stock.
     
  12. PHArchivist

    PHArchivist Master Member

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    Well...

    Since we've brought up POTC and Battleship in the same thread, let me ask"

    Why the hell didn't these board game marketing wizards release a POTC themed version of Battleship?

    Would have been a perfect fit...
     
  13. Solo4114

    Solo4114 Master Member

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    Part of why I so enjoyed POTC was precisely because my expectations were so low for that very reason.

    I don't think that'll save this movie, though. POTC, in my opinion, is the exception to the rule. That being:

    The desire and need to apply a brand to a particular film is directly proportional to how much it will suck. Put simply, if you can't sell tickets with a halfway decent story, slap a brand on it and watch the suckers show up in droves.
     
  14. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    PHArchivist: BRILLIANT! The only reason I can think of that they wouldn't have done that (and I don't really think this would have stopped them) is that the game would technically not have what we know of as a battleship. Seriously though, that's a * good idea!
     
  15. PHArchivist

    PHArchivist Master Member

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    :thumbsup

    Instead we get:
    POTC chess
    POTC Monolpoly
    POTC Trivial Pursuit

    Etcetera...

    To respect the thread, and get back OT, I was pretty excited when I first saw the trailer - right up until I saw the stupid Transformer pop out of the water!

    I was thinking cool, new, US Navy film, featuring Liam Neeson - all good! Until...:unsure
     
  16. Jm419

    Jm419 Sr Member

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    Hey, hey, look, there's an Iowa-class. Neat. Oh, wait - those were all struck from the registry ten years ago. All four of them. Yeah...

    Actually, that's probably supposed to be the Missouri, seeing as how she's in Hawaii. Shame they dragged her into all this.
     
  17. epilepticsquirl

    epilepticsquirl Sr Member

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    I still think they should've done the Battle of Leyte Gulf. It's got all the makings of a battleship movie:
    Battleships: check
    Correct Time period for Battleships: check
    Insurmountable odds: check
    True story: check
    One of the most badass Naval Captains in history: check

    Oh well... One day i'll get my wish.
     
  18. benhs1898

    benhs1898 Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I thought the trailer looked bad.
     
  19. Carson Dyle

    Carson Dyle Sr Member

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    The trailer plays like a parody of the sort stupid, tired, clunky, cliche-ridden, derivative, imagination-less, sub-Michael Bay crapfests we've come to expect whenever the studio marketing tail wags the production dog.

    I cannot wait to watch this particular Battleship sink without a trace. Given the bloated budget, I wouldn't be surprised if it takes a few Universal execs with it.
     
  20. Drewid

    Drewid Well-Known Member

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    Yeah... I don't even think Liam Neeson can save this ship from sinking. If they wanted a spaceship in this so badly, why didn't they make it set in space? There's a lot of plot scenarios that would require blind firing to seek and destroy the target (Wrath of Khan anyone?).
     
  21. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    The whole time I was watching the trailer I kept thinking of the Robot Chicken sketch where they did the Hungry, Hungry, Hippos movie. Sadly, that looked like a better movie than Battleship.
     
  22. SVTStingRay

    SVTStingRay Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    its because of movies like this that i hope that the end-of-the-world mayan calendar thing really happens next year. someone or something needs to save us from hollywoods horrible movies.
     
  23. benhs1898

    benhs1898 Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    To think that this trailer followed The Dark Knight Rises trailer when I saw Sherlock.
     
  24. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    This film will be 100% worth watching only if we see Liam Neesom at the end of the film, floating in the ocean holding onto piece of ship wreckage, and looking up, shaking his fist in the air, and yelling "YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!!"
     
  25. Moxiebot

    Moxiebot Member

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    Lol.. that would be so awesome!
     
  26. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    SVTStingRay, you mean movies like Roland Emmerich's 2012 movie? :D
     
  27. Robiwon

    Robiwon Master Member Gone but not forgotten.

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    I was watching the teaser for Prometheus when I saw this above it. I clicked on the Battleship video. After watching for a few seconds I actually thought it was a joke. You know, clips from other movies put together to make some new movie. Then I realized it was an actual film. Yep, this movie will flop big time. Liam must need the money I guess........
     
  28. Lynn TXP 0369

    Lynn TXP 0369 Sr Member

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    I still think it looks like a fun film.
    Lynn
     
  29. OUTATIME1984

    OUTATIME1984 New Member

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    i have a feeling it will be in theaters for a month then in the $5 dvd bin at walmart. as far as the hot wheels made into a movie they have a Thrill racers segment that has 5 segments with about 4-5 cars each they could do a movie around that like Accelearacers or Battle force 5
     
  30. CessnaDriver

    CessnaDriver Master Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    God forbid they make an actual realistic film about modern naval warfare.
    There are lots of scenerios if they took the time to think it out, or had the courage.

    Such a waste is all that goes through my mind.
    All that money and FX, it could be glorious.
     
  31. cayman shen

    cayman shen Master Member

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    Incidentally, why the **** is LIAM NEESON in this? Did he lose a bet or something?
     
  32. Yarko

    Yarko Well-Known Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Well, maybe the read the script and it wasn't THAT bad

    I'm sure that it will be better than Transformers, anyway...
     
  33. cayman shen

    cayman shen Master Member

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    That's setting the bar pretty low. I've had a better time when sick children barfed on me than watching Transformers. :lol
     
  34. Ford W Maverick

    Ford W Maverick Well-Known Member

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    I liked the first Transformers. I mean, the plot was shallow as hell, but it wasn't meant to be. It was meant to be a big old robot-on-robot explodeyfest and that's what it delivered.

    That being said the second one sucked balls. I haven't even seen the third one based on the level of ball-suckery in the second one.
     
  35. Jm419

    Jm419 Sr Member

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    This. The title sounds like they ran out of space...

    "Dark Side of the Moon won't fit on the line, Mr. Bay."
    "Fine. Cut out a word."
    "Which one?"
    "I don't care."
     
  36. ONEYE

    ONEYE Sr Member

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    I just saw the 2nd trailer with the alien in the space/combat suit and I want the suit! I'm going to see this movie since it looks fun.
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2012
  37. crabra comander

    crabra comander Sr Member

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    Saw the suit, got pumped, shotgunned a Monster can, went to my physical.
     
  38. Nwerke

    Nwerke Master Member

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    There we go...that'd have been my quote if it'd been me saying what you said. :)

    HATE that movie.
     
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2012
  39. SmilingOtter

    SmilingOtter Master Member

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    The third made me forgive Bay for the second. The parents aren't nearly as annoying, the two jive-talking robots are gone, the new girlfriend is hotter than Megan Fox, and when Optimus cuts loose, you see why he's a Prime.

    As for Battleship, I'll go into it expecting Sy-Fy level cheesy badness, and who knows, it may be better than I expect.
     
  40. Solo4114

    Solo4114 Master Member

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    Yet you'll pay $10 for a ticket for the privilege of seeing what you could see on SyFy for free on a Saturday afternoon?
     
  41. aeonpulse

    aeonpulse Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Now that you mention it, it does look a lot like a Sci-Fi made-for-tv movie with a much bigger budget.

    EDIT: Whoops, sorry, I meant "Syfy". Derp. :rolleyes
     
  42. Wolfie138

    Wolfie138 Well-Known Member

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    i've lost track of how many people have said that and still think they're the first to do so. it gets lamer every time.
     
  43. Solo4114

    Solo4114 Master Member

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    Ha! It'd be so funny if Liam Neeson said in his grimmest tone "You sank my battleship!"

    They should really make a movie about that.
     
  44. aeonpulse

    aeonpulse Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    I hope the movie does really well. Then maybe we'll get a full length feature based on CROSSFIRE.
     
  45. crabra comander

    crabra comander Sr Member

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    The only way I will accept this movie as Hasbro's Battleship movie is if Liam Neeson says "You SANK my Battleship!", and then immediately following the end credits Rihanna does a Jamaican Dancehall remix with said exclamation from the movie.
     
  46. ralphee

    ralphee Sr Member

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    I want to see "Rubiks Cube", i think that would make a great movie, it could be like Tron based, where they jazz around in mini rip 'n' go bikes, trying to get those colored blocks in line.
    Shia Lebouf gets to play the witty hero shrunken down to take on the evil Rick Moranis..... itll work, somebody rustle up a script on a Burger King napkin.

    Lee
     
  47. Solo4114

    Solo4114 Master Member

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    The old CNN show? I'd rather see a film about Even Stephven.


    If this one does well, I'm betting we'll see:

    - Hungry Hungry Hippos: The Movie

    - Monopoly: The Movie

    - Chutes and Ladders: The Movie.
     
  48. Jet Beetle

    Jet Beetle Sr Member Gone but not forgotten.

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    ONE...
    TWO...
    THREE...
    YOU'RE DEAD!

    CONNECT FOUR: THE MOVIE
    Pretty Sneaky Sis

    I'll be there to see Battleship - only because Battleships are cool and my son wants to see it.
     
  49. aeonpulse

    aeonpulse Sr Member RPF PREMIUM MEMBER

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    Hahahah, NOOOOOOO. This one.

    CROSSFIRE
     
  50. Spitcrazy

    Spitcrazy New Member

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    HAHA, although I didn't actually see any real battleships in the trailer. A few destroyers and frigates then the Carrier. Does the USN even have anything in line with a battleship anymore?
     

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