Battleship 2012

Ford W Maverick

Well-Known Member
So at this point I think we're all aware of this movie. Is ANYONE looking forward to seeing it?

I've never had a bigger case of WTF over just the CONCEPT of basing a movie on the Battleship game, but then I saw the first trailer: Battleship - Official Trailer [HD] - YouTube

I seriously facepalmed at this. I mean, someone spent MONEY on making this. Someone got Liam Neeson to be in this! I'm assuming it was the same people that kidnapped his daughter in the movie Taken and this is what he had to do to get her back.

And then in the second trailer they tried to make it all serious and dramatic and in many ways that's actually FUNNIER: Battleship - Official Trailer #2 (HD) - YouTube

I think if Battleship didn't claim to be based on the board game I'd look at it a lot more favorably though. I mean, there COULD be a fun plot in there, in that 'so stupid it's fun' kinda way, but the claims that it's based on the game are ridiculous.

It's like when Pirates of the Caribbean claimed to be based on the Disney ride. Really? Yeah, there's a ride at Disney with that name and it has an animated skeleton or two, but that's a pretty big leap to the movie being BASED on it.

If anything, Battleship has even LESS to do with the board game than Pirates has with the ride. The Battleship game has no characters, no plot to speak of, in essence it's kind of an advanced form of hide and seek (Hide and Seek the movie is MY idea, I'm writing it, back off) so how is it based on the game?

Yeah, there's a Battleship in it (which there shouldn't be, but by some convoluted plot-twistery they'll have one in there) and they'll be in some space-bubble so it'll be like the little arena from the game and they'll be shooting at other ships, but the other ships are ALIEN TRANSFORMERS. And please, don't tell me those aren't transformers because, well, LOOK AT THEM. They might not transform, but it's obvious what they're ripping off.

So yeah, alien transformers from the deep put up a big bubble and they're using it to shield themselves from retaliation as they fire building-destroying death-balls into the nearest cities. The only ones that can stop them are the ships from some naval exercise using antiquated ships that got stuck inside the bubble. Oh, and there's a romantic subplot, because Hollywood DEMANDS a romantic subplot.

So all that is a setup for one line. Yes, ONE LINE. Everyone gets to pay $9 to wait a whole movie for someone (please let it be Neeson) to say "You sank my Battleship!" After which a little bit of all of us DIES.

I really don't want to knee-jerkingly say that this is going to suck, but seriously, how can it NOT?

Bottom line is, if I saw that trailer and it was called "Invaders From the Deep" or something I might not watch it, but I wouldn't be spending time talking about how stupid it is.

Actually, I WOULD see it, just not in the theater. I'd wait and watch it on Netflix. Then afterward, yeah, I'd probably talk about how it sucked.
 

Krull

Sr Member
I will admit this is the oddest,most off-the-wall idea for a movie yet.....however I have heard they are planning a flick off of Hot Wheels...yes the toy cars,how they intend to pull that off I just don't know.

Oh well I won't go to see it but I will read and maybe see it on DVD,big IF on that though.
 

cayman shen

Master Member
I think Battleship sounds moronic...but I also mocked the hell out of POTC ("A movie based off an amusement park ride?!?!?") and the first one turned out to be a hoot. So maybe Battleship will rule, then they'll make a bunch of incredibly boring sequels! :lol
 

Ford W Maverick

Well-Known Member
Shen; Pirates was kinda off of my radar, I didn't know it was coming out till I saw the trailer and THAT trailer was a damn good one, so I was on board. I didn't hear till later that it was 'based' on the ride. I knew it had the same name as the ride, which I've been on even, but I didn't think they were trying to claim they'd based the plot on it in any significant way.

Wannab; My review of the Speed Racer trailer (didn't see the movie) was that it looked like someone vomited a bunch of toy cars and a strand of lit Christmas lights into a tumble-dryer and filmed it.

Dorian; That's just awesome right there. :D
 

the_batdemon

Sr Member
I think the tie-in toys are slated to come out 1st or 2nd Quarter. I see this movie as GI Joe meets Transformers (Decepticons), a way to unite their other properties that have been made into movies....or re-paint and get rid of some toy back-stock.
 

PHArchivist

Master Member
Well...

Since we've brought up POTC and Battleship in the same thread, let me ask"

Why the hell didn't these board game marketing wizards release a POTC themed version of Battleship?

Would have been a perfect fit...
 

Solo4114

Master Member
I think Battleship sounds moronic...but I also mocked the hell out of POTC ("A movie based off an amusement park ride?!?!?") and the first one turned out to be a hoot. So maybe Battleship will rule, then they'll make a bunch of incredibly boring sequels! :lol
Part of why I so enjoyed POTC was precisely because my expectations were so low for that very reason.

I don't think that'll save this movie, though. POTC, in my opinion, is the exception to the rule. That being:

The desire and need to apply a brand to a particular film is directly proportional to how much it will suck. Put simply, if you can't sell tickets with a halfway decent story, slap a brand on it and watch the suckers show up in droves.
 

Ford W Maverick

Well-Known Member
PHArchivist: BRILLIANT! The only reason I can think of that they wouldn't have done that (and I don't really think this would have stopped them) is that the game would technically not have what we know of as a battleship. Seriously though, that's a damn good idea!
 

PHArchivist

Master Member
PHArchivist: BRILLIANT! The only reason I can think of that they wouldn't have done that (and I don't really think this would have stopped them) is that the game would technically not have what we know of as a battleship. Seriously though, that's a damn good idea!
:thumbsup

Instead we get:
POTC chess
POTC Monolpoly
POTC Trivial Pursuit

Etcetera...

To respect the thread, and get back OT, I was pretty excited when I first saw the trailer - right up until I saw the stupid Transformer pop out of the water!

I was thinking cool, new, US Navy film, featuring Liam Neeson - all good! Until...:unsure
 

Jm419

Sr Member
Hey, hey, look, there's an Iowa-class. Neat. Oh, wait - those were all struck from the registry ten years ago. All four of them. Yeah...

Actually, that's probably supposed to be the Missouri, seeing as how she's in Hawaii. Shame they dragged her into all this.
 

epilepticsquirl

Sr Member
I still think they should've done the Battle of Leyte Gulf. It's got all the makings of a battleship movie:
Battleships: check
Correct Time period for Battleships: check
Insurmountable odds: check
True story: check
One of the most badass Naval Captains in history: check

Oh well... One day i'll get my wish.
 

Carson Dyle

Sr Member
The trailer plays like a parody of the sort stupid, tired, clunky, cliche-ridden, derivative, imagination-less, sub-Michael Bay crapfests we've come to expect whenever the studio marketing tail wags the production dog.

I cannot wait to watch this particular Battleship sink without a trace. Given the bloated budget, I wouldn't be surprised if it takes a few Universal execs with it.
 

Drewid

Well-Known Member
Yeah... I don't even think Liam Neeson can save this ship from sinking. If they wanted a spaceship in this so badly, why didn't they make it set in space? There's a lot of plot scenarios that would require blind firing to seek and destroy the target (Wrath of Khan anyone?).
 
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