So, I saw this thing yesterday out of boredom. I blame MST3K for my love of being able to sit through bad movies.
Anyway, what to say aboutthis mess?
- The Knicks Scene at the start. I get the meaning behind it, but the entire thing felt like someone CEO wanted to meet some knick players and they put them in the movie. could have been some random made up team and the point would have gotten across just fine.
- The turtles voices are STILL too cookie cutter. only one you can really easily tell apart is raph, and that's because he's doing the stereo cutter tough guy voice.
- The Turtles designs are STILL ugly..and somehow they look worse in the sequel. more money to the effects, perhaps?
- Karai. WTF is she even doing IN these movies? never mentioned by name that I can recall. has no backstory. no new audience knows she's shredders kid. and she barely has anything to do or anything to say.
- you have to remind yourself this is a soft reboot. everyone knows who shredder is. no one calls him oruko saki.
- Why is baxter working with the foot? movie went by so fast I couldn't tell...
- Meghan Fox still sucks. I never liked her before, but her telling the fans to F off continues that resentment. no class
- humans have animal dna in them . theirs was a warthog and a rhino. wut wut wut? also, if you're going to make the mutagen more complicated, at LEAST call it anti mutagen.
- Why all the swearing in this movie? is 4 letter S bombs common in kids movies now? and Bebop and Rocksteady checking out their member after being mutated? WTF?
- April Oneil in a school girl outfit. come on. even 80s april wouldn't stoop that low to get a story.
- The new turtle van has room enough to fit 4 7 foot tall turtles, one punching bag AND one fully loaded Crush Soda Vendor I see.
- the Dialogue is so terrible that the actors can't even be bothered to deliver it naturally. that police chief for one had problems with her exposition.
- the Foot are finally ninja. But wha'ts the point if all they do is back flips and plant explosives? where are the swords, the manriki gusari's, the bolo whips, the sais?
Oh, that's right. don't want to offend that chinese government you're so desperate to please. These foot are so whimpy, even Vernon can take one out with ease!
- For a movie called ninja turtles, there is NO ninja-ing! One of the turtles does a back flip, leo does a small training session while arguing with Raph...and ...that's about it.
Mikey brandishes his chucks to remind you they are there in one shot. don flies a damaged plane with a....bo staff.....Raph uses his sai's to stab krang at the end..I think...but other than that? The effects are finally there to do cool ninja stuff and we get stuff the animated show can pull off with ease. the 2D animated show.
- The Technodrome and Krang's android are a jumbled mess of non design design that is common in any movie made in the last 8 years or so. NO ONE knows how to do interesting character design anymore...or hollywood tells them to avoid it for whatever reason.
-April STILL has a crap load of screen time. Meghan Fox can't act. she can't emote. or if she does, it's there and it's gone. she's so unlikable a person that it comes off on screen in any character she plays. if you are going to give april more screen time, make it an actress who can make the character likeable so we'd WANT to see her on screen more. not just some souless card board cut out of a person on screen.
I am going to hate myself saying this, since I HATE what this franchise has turned into since it got bought (souless, except for IDW)....but...things I actually LIKED
- Amell as Casey jones was a high point. he turned out fine just like i thought, even if he wasn't given much to work with.
-Brad Garret didn't sound toooo much like brad garret always sounds in his voice rolls. although there where times where he lapsed back into it.
- The turtles where better written this time. it felt like someone at nickelodean knew the first one was a dumpster fire, and stepped in to monitor it more closely.
- The Turtles working with the cops was a nice touch.
- the guy playing shredder would have been awesome in a REAL ninja turtles movie, but he wasn't bad here considering what he had to work with.
- they dialed back splinters ugliness just a tad, which was welcome.
All in all, it wasn't AS horrible as I thought it was going to be, considering that I almost fell asleep and walked out of the first movie due to boredom. if this one where to show up on TV again, I wouldn't pass by it out of disgust, but I won't be buying any merchandise to support it either.
All in all, i'd probably rank this just below turtles 3 as worst turtle movie ever.. with bay turtles 1 being the absolute worse.
My favorites are as follows. 1990 - 2007 - 1991- 1993, shadows, and, if I HAD to include it at all, because it doesn't really count in my eyes, the first one. ugh.
