The $350 Mascot

Well, I have a Corndog Wagon called Pallookaville.

http://www.therpf.com/showthread.php?t=55604

My signature Corndog is The Fryinstein Monster. Like all good and visionary foods, my Fryinstein Monster needs an unrelated character to personify how delicious and unavoidably wonderful it is.
Examples: Grimace, The Burger King, The Green Giant, The Dough Boy, Keebler Elf and The Miller Lite Chi Phi.
Well after no Marketing and Focus Group Research and about 5 minutes of high level Idea Wrestling this is the Character:



So now I need to find a Mascot Suit, because my TV Commercial budget has taken a hit, and a Homeless Guy in a fuzzy suit with a Sandwich Board is more in my price range.

Me and the Weenie Queen are in this awesome Mexican/Korean/Chinese Grocery Store we frequent and I see this Panda Costume.

As an aside, if you have a "Super H Mart" near you you should check it out.

I had been trying to buy this thing for a year but the old guy wanted $400 for it. I would pass. It got to be our thing.

"Wanna sell that sorry ass Panda thing?"
"Get away from me Giant American."
No sale yet again.

Well the Weenie Queen is busy plowing trough horrendous fake purses that are big enough to hold a body, and have Bedazzles and crap all over 'em, and are ugly as homemade sin, but we have to buy it because it's so cheap, I go over to the suit again.
The old man is nowhere to do seen.
I ask the girl who's helping the Weenie Queen "Purse" how much they want for the Panda suit.

"$100."
"You gotta deal Lady. "

Out comes the money. The Panda suit goes in the cart. I give the Weenie Queen $50 for Purses so she quits raising hell about me buying another "God**** Animal Suit," and I proceed to go buy the stuff we came for.

I'm shopping for our Bananas Foster Corndog so my cart is full of:

A. Bananas. 45 pounds of Bananas.
B. Condensed milk for Caramel, 6 cans.
C. 6 Bottles of Chocolate Syrup.
D. 5 Pounds of Powered Sugar.
E. A Giant Panda Suit.

I go back to get the Queen cause now she's trying to buy $10 Chinese Bras, and that's a bad idea for her to do, so we can get outta here and get the Bananas in the nitrogen.

The Old Man is there.

Our eyes meet.
He says, "What are you doing with my Panda?"
I say, "I bought it."
He says, "No you didn't."
I reply, "Here's the receipt."
He loses his mind and starts throwing papers around.

At this point the Manager and Security come over and listen to the story to decide ownership...

Here's MY Panda suit:







I've already ripped the eyes and nose off the damn thing. IT HAD A HEART SHAPED NOSE. Good gravy what is this damn thing? A Korean Care Bear?
Well, Yes. Yes it is.



I buy some Eyes from http://acrylicdomes.net/





and some fur, and we're ready to make a Mascot.

This:



Into this:



Expenses so far:
$100 Panda Suit.
Priceless fight with Elderly Korean Man.
$50 Worth of cheap Purses.
$60 Eyes.
$50 Fur.
$10 Crackhead to don the suit.
$10 New clothes for Crackhead to wear in suit.
$3 Deodorant for said Crackhead.
$8 Febreze for Suit after Crackhead.
Total so far:
$291 Mascot.

More to come.
Laffo.

OMG... I want a banana-dog!!!

I'll drive across GA for one!

Oh yeah.. and the mascot looks...interesting...

(Where is that store?? I wanna big purse..)

It's a frozen Banana, fried in Funnel Cake batter, with homemade Caramel, chocolate sauce and Powdered Sugar.
Do a search for Super H Mart. There are 4 or 5 here.
We go to the Riverdale location.
Laffo.

That mascot is great, I can't keep a straight face looking at it. Can't wait to see it brought to life!

Laffo said:

---

It's a frozen Banana, fried in Funnel Cake batter, with homemade Caramel, chocolate sauce and Powdered Sugar.
Do a search for Super H Mart. There are 4 or 5 here.
We go to the Riverdale location.
Laffo.

Mmmm Sounds super yummy Great story on the panda suit too. Can't wait to see it come to life!

If this turns out anything like Bigfoot. It will be awesome. I can't wait to see it.

AWESOME. You, sir, are full of win.

Awesome Story!!

Love the mascot too.

You need to take the finished suit back in there and flip off the old man!

That's a great story!!! BTW, is that a bananna on the panda's chest?

Awesome!

For some reason Last night's post is gone.
Here we go.
I'm worried about the acrylic snapping, I've done that before, so the edges get double taped:



Done no mishaps:



Removing some Korean Puke Cuteness:



Why is this the only glue gun out of the 10 I own I can find? Just got the Adult Size so that at least will be better:



In the Business we call this "Fixing the Eyehole." I'll leave it to you to decide what Business that is.



Checking the Eyerrangement.



Lacing the eyes on with Waxed Saddle Thread. This stuff is like steel cable and goes through foam pretty easily.



Checking eyefolds:



Eyes on Marty Feldman style:



Trying the Fuzzy Kruger:



Now I'm done with you Jerks for real.
Laffo.

thats going to be fun to watch

Oh my god, this is my new favorite thread. If I lived in Georgie, I seriously think I'd buy you a beer.

And I'd drink it.

Laffo.

How are you planning to make the stiches? I've seen some giant yarns out there that would work well...
OMGz.. I've BEEN in that big and tall store before! I didn't know it was still there!
Another thing.. you should totally soak those bananas in rum & serve them 'flambe' ! Torches to go after the Franken-bear with..

*heads off to the Pleasant Hill Super H*

No fire around Furgahyde.

That and two words: "Great White."
Done with the fire. Years of Fire Breathing have left no fascination in the subject.

That's what I need. Molten Faux Fur on a Crackhead and the Children hugging him. Pretty sure it makes the flaming drips that go "PFFFFZPPT."

I got a Chenille Type Blue Yarn yesterday in fact, so "Great Minds" and all.

The best thing about The Ross is the Whitey Tighties that are 6 feet wide on the wall. I'm going there now. I have gotten into a confrontation with the Proprietor before, so we'll see how this goes.

No, I don't go around picking fights with Store Owners. Happens to be the 2 I HAVE fought with are involved in this project.

Laffo.

cayman shen said:

---

Oh my god, this is my new favorite thread.

I was just thinking that. I mean, I always love Laffo's "Interested depending on price" posts, but "Priceless fight with elderly Korean man" is top stuff too.

Laffo said:

---

Apollo, the Old Man is getting it. I've been practicing my "3 finger Finger" all afternoon. I'm trying to decide if I'm gonna wear anything other than the Head, Feet and Hands. I think if one is to be flipped off by a Franken-Panda, the Panda should be pants-less.

You've never been flipped off unless it's by an oversized Muppett!

What a lovely background story. This has definitely made my Monday a little happier at the slavemines.

Dude, you're narraration is cracking me up!
This is one of the best threads I've read in a long time.
Great project too!

Jessica said:

---

What a lovely background story. This has definitely made my Monday a little happier at the slavemines.

Slaves? Mines? Man the I.T. crash screwed SF up worse than I thought.

Thanks Guys. There's plenty more smart assery on it's way. I'll update what got done today before I crash.

Out Fools,
Laffo.

Here's the Day's wrap up:

I was not lying when I said it is painted on the outside of the damn building.



Well the Gigantically Obese White Guy I got in the fight with doesn't own The Ross anymore. Seems he died. I guess weighing 700 lbs and chain smoking will shorten your life.

Looks like I won that one.

He was the only man I've ever seen that was completely Khaki. His Skin, Eyes, Hair and Clothing were all Khaki. Hell even the Whites of his Eyes and Teeth were Khaki. I will have to correct myself - he wasn't totally Khaki - his Toenails looked like Corn Chips, so he definitely had some Yellow going on. Oh, and the inside of his ears looked like he'd cleaned them with a Cheeto, so they were Orange. Other than that he was Khaki.

Now an older Black Lady and her Gianormous Son own it. She thought all this was pretty funny. I took in the body so we'd get the waist right. 70 inches. No, stop and think about it. A 70 inch waist.
This will put that into perspective:



That's a standard door.

Here's what I learned at Ross - being Khaki is hazardous to your health, it probally is tough to have a 70 inch waistline, Good God - Hamighty is them Fat Clothes is Muy Expensive!
70 inch shorts - $50!?! Granted there's 23 yards of fabric in them, but leave a feller enough for a Sack o' Krystals sews I can keep my weight up why don't ya?

Talk her down to $35. They have 12X T-Shirts. I'm 6'6" and weight 275 lbs and I'm a pretty stout guy. I stepped through THE NECKHOLE OF A 12X T-SHIRT.

Went to buy some Fancy Hair at my Weave Store.

My Gay Wig Friend was out of Green Wigs. Damn, I forgot to take a picture of him. Whatever, I'll get one and stick it in a later post as a surprise.

Well anyways, the Ladies love me there. For some reason I'm a HUGE hit with the 50+ Black Ladies. They love my ridiculous ass. Gave me double discount with the Weenie Queen's Beauty License. $20,000 worth of AVEDA school so I can save $23. Great.

The Sto:



Dug out the 581. This stuff is Magic. It will weld Foam Rubber like, well, Magic. I bought a whole case of this when we built the 40 foot foam rubber Squid I fought in my Deep Sea Diving Suit, in the 20,000 Leagues Haunted House we did in 2001. Hopefully it's still good. Should be, will test it tomorrow.



You can get it here:

http://www.glueplace.com/581-foam--f...ray-adhes.html

Anyhoo got to sewing and after an 1 long hour of fighting my damn Sewing Machine. Turns out they like to be oiled every now and then and then they'll work.

Got the Pants almost done and got the Vest started. Have to layout the back design for the Vest tomorrow and take it to the Screenprinter:
http://www.workhorseprintery.com/
to get it and our Chef Jackets printed. Will post that later, I still have to draw the Corndog with Batwings for the middle of it.

Front:



Back:



Night ya Jerks,
Laffo.

Cleaned his ear with a Cheeto. Jeeeezus. Keep em coming!

This is a riot!