Well, I have a Corndog Wagon called Pallookaville.
My signature Corndog is The Fryinstein Monster. Like all good and visionary foods, my Fryinstein Monster needs an unrelated character to personify how delicious and unavoidably wonderful it is.
Examples: Grimace, The Burger King, The Green Giant, The Dough Boy, Keebler Elf and The Miller Lite Chi Phi.
Well after no Marketing and Focus Group Research and about 5 minutes of high level Idea Wrestling this is the Character:
So now I need to find a Mascot Suit, because my TV Commercial budget has taken a hit, and a Homeless Guy in a fuzzy suit with a Sandwich Board is more in my price range.
Me and the Weenie Queen are in this awesome Mexican/Korean/Chinese Grocery Store we frequent and I see this Panda Costume.
As an aside, if you have a "Super H Mart" near you you should check it out.
I had been trying to buy this thing for a year but the old guy wanted $400 for it. I would pass. It got to be our thing.
"Wanna sell that sorry ass Panda thing?"
"Get away from me Giant American."
No sale yet again.
Well the Weenie Queen is busy plowing trough horrendous fake purses that are big enough to hold a body, and have Bedazzles and crap all over 'em, and are ugly as homemade sin, but we have to buy it because it's so cheap, I go over to the suit again.
The old man is nowhere to do seen.
I ask the girl who's helping the Weenie Queen "Purse" how much they want for the Panda suit.
"You gotta deal Lady. "
Out comes the money. The Panda suit goes in the cart. I give the Weenie Queen $50 for Purses so she quits raising hell about me buying another "God**** Animal Suit," and I proceed to go buy the stuff we came for.
I'm shopping for our Bananas Foster Corndog so my cart is full of:
A. Bananas. 45 pounds of Bananas.
B. Condensed milk for Caramel, 6 cans.
C. 6 Bottles of Chocolate Syrup.
D. 5 Pounds of Powered Sugar.
E. A Giant Panda Suit.
I go back to get the Queen cause now she's trying to buy $10 Chinese Bras, and that's a bad idea for her to do, so we can get outta here and get the Bananas in the nitrogen.
The Old Man is there.
Our eyes meet.
He says, "What are you doing with my Panda?"
I say, "I bought it."
He says, "No you didn't."
I reply, "Here's the receipt."
He loses his mind and starts throwing papers around.
At this point the Manager and Security come over and listen to the story to decide ownership...
Here's MY Panda suit:
I've already ripped the eyes and nose off the damn thing. IT HAD A HEART SHAPED NOSE. Good gravy what is this damn thing? A Korean Care Bear?
Well, Yes. Yes it is.
I buy some Eyes from http://acrylicdomes.net/
and some fur, and we're ready to make a Mascot.
Expenses so far:
$100 Panda Suit.
Priceless fight with Elderly Korean Man.
$50 Worth of cheap Purses.
$10 Crackhead to don the suit.
$10 New clothes for Crackhead to wear in suit.
$3 Deodorant for said Crackhead.
$8 Febreze for Suit after Crackhead.
Total so far:
More to come.